Sunday, May 31, 2009

I can't get no satisfaction!

Sometimes it seems no matter what I do, no matter what I eat, no matter how much I sleep I am never satisfied. I guess I mean never satisfied with my life! Wow, that really sucks!
Day In, day out, lack of satisfaction, wow, It can be a real bummer.

I'm tired tonight. Still feeling pretty punk with this cold/bronchitis. Had a kinda stressful day but not sure why. I guess it was just " One of those days."

My wonderful BIL is leaving in the am to return home to NJ. I will miss him. He is a great source of strength and a good thinker. Luckily, I have my sister for one more week. (Thank God).

Unfortunately, as sisters, we share almost everything including colds. yes, you started with cold symptoms 2 days ago. Sh.....t! I'm so mad because we tried to be so careful. My sister is a very brittle diabetic on an insulin pump. I HATE when she gets sick! It's much more serious.

Gotta go. Getting so sleepy can barely type anymore.

Sweet dreams.

I get my mine with Seroquel!


Saturday, May 30, 2009

Empty bed syndrome

I recently realized that I often don't go to bed soon after I become tired. I often put off going to bed. Why?

I've thought about this and come to this conclusion. There isn't anyone there anymore to snuggle with! Yea, I have white dog and orange cat but it's just NOT the same. A king size bed can be a lonely place.

Still, I refuse to give up my king size bed! I've been sleeping in a king bed since I was 21!

I can't teach this old dog (me) any new tricks!

I have to become comfortable again sleeping alone. This takes time. It took a long time after my hubby died 27 years ago. Years and years. Then, I had to get used to sleeping with someone again. Now, again, I have empty bed syndrome to deal with.
I tell myself, be patient, this too shall pass. ( I sure hope so.) Sometimes, I just get very tired dealing with soooo many things. I'm not a good juggler.

Gotta go check on Mom. She's having a bad day. Confused and can't walk. Had to use transport chair this am. Oh my God, am I looking in the mirror at MY future??

It terrifies me! "Sometimes dead is better." ( from Stephen King's Pet Sematary).


Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm still sick!

Gosh, still feeling very crappy! Chills, fever, congestion, coughing! Yuk!

Hard day today between being sick and feeling confused. Had to make an important decision about the color of my new bedroom. I know, of course, that blue has ALWAYS been my favorite color! It is the color of all colors! But, what color, shade of blue? (Will I remember that blue was my favorite color?)
My wonderful sister went and got me all the blue she could find. I looked and looked. Then, I asked George (21 years old). He has better eyes than me. He was so sweet. We looked and looked and ruled out and then came to a decision "River Mist." It's beautiful, just what I wanted. Luckily looks nothing like the muddy Mississippi.

Tomorrow, my walls in my new bedroom will be River Mist! I am excited. I haven't had a blue bedroom since I was a child. ( Am I reverting back already?)

Linda and Michael went to ge ice cream @ the Marble Slab. Oh boy, another treat!

Aimee and Eric didn't come in town today. Eric had to work extra. This made me very sad as I miss them both very much. (Sometimes I dream that they move back here and we can see each other more that 3-4 times a year. That would be paradise!) Stop dreaming! It won't happen! Just deal with being lonesome!!

Sometimes I feel like the world in going on and round and I'm just watching!


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I still get regular sick.

Today I realized I'm still like most people. I get sick like everyone else. I have a nasty cold and a case of bronchitis. Have been sick for about 5 days. I finally had to call my doctor for antibiotics. Yuk! Also, I was sitting on the sofa and all of a sudden I had to go to sleep. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. I slept for about 2 hours, then my sister, who is visiting me, woke me up (thank goodness). I woke up rather confused!

Tomorrow I go to Baton Rouge to testify at the Public Hearing on Dementia Training Rules. I truly believe in this so sick or not I must go and say my piece.

I'm going to try to go to bed early tonight. I hope I have a seroquel night.


Quite is one of the Essencials of life

Hello again,
It's nice and quiet now. Everyone is asleep. Oh, I forgot to mention that my sister and her hubby are in town visiting from New Jersey. Got kinda hectic today, and oh , add an old friend to the bunch who are staying here with her 2 sons.
(I don't know if you've read about or had any experiences with anyone with EOAD. Most of us with EOAD are in our 30's, 40's and 50's, however, some are diagnosed as early as their 20's). We're real diffferent from the normal AD patients.

Getting back to "the quiet", it is VERY important for me to maintain balance in my life. Quiet time gives my brain a chance to catch up and sometimes calm down. This also helps me with my anger management, Ya know it's really strange, my whole life has been spent solving conflicts calmly and rationally. Not, sometimes, I can't even hold in my own rage!

Sorry, I'm getting goofy from my meds so I'll say good night. Hope you sleep well.


Monday, May 25, 2009

White dog, orange cat and me

Hi to All,
My name is Lisa. I am 55 years old and was diagnosed with Early/Young Onset Alzheimer's Disease about 1 1/2 years ago.

Please, come join me on this roller coaster ride called Alzheimer's Disease.

I live alone. Well, not really alone. I have a white dog named Winston and an Orange tabby cat named Simon. Sometimes, I can't remember their names so I call them by their colors.
The last year or so has been quite a journey! Lost just about everything that was important to me. Lost my career as a registered nurse (can't earn a living), lost my boyfriend of eight years (well, actually I asked him to leave, then had to kick him out), lost a lot of dignity (please read Principles for a Dignified Diagnosis at, lost one of my pets (little dog - he went with his Dad), lost my temper a lot, and slowly but surely I'm loosing my memories and my mind!
Next, I'll be loosing my home of 31 years (moving to a smaller place) . Loosing my Mom who also has AD, oh, I am also her caregiver!

I hope that by sharing this ride with you it may help you and others understand this scary demon. Yes, DEMON. It feels like there is a demon inside of me.

As some of you already know EOAD is very much like a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs, twists and turns, scary and thrilling! Did I say thrilling? No, not thrilling but scary very scary!

Memorial Day today. Lots of family and friends. I used to really enjoy all this now it just makes me crazy! Too much noise, too much commotion, too many conversations.

I have to stop now. Too many people here, talking..talking. I can't follow it all!

I'll write later when it's quiet. I NEED quiet. I must have it to survive.