Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Dec. 29th, 2009

Hi to All,

Wow, Christmas has come and gone in a flash! Aimee, Eric & Turtle did come in last week for Christmas and left yesterday. It was wonderful yet very hectic.

We cooked Christmas Eve and had the family together including Alexis. It was great! We were all together. That's really what Christmas is all about!

We all cooked Christmas Day dinner. Linda & Michael did the turkey and mashed potatoes. I did stuffed artichoke casserole and oyster dressing. Aimee cooked the green bean casserole and Eric did the sweet potatoes. It was delicious. Well, as delicious as I can taste. My smell and taste buds are dying. It's getting harder and harder to find something I can actually taste and enjoy.

Saturday after Christmas we were all supposed to go out to dinner but Mom didn't feel up to it and Aunt Julie had hurt her knee. Soooooooooo, Linda, Michael, Aimee, Eric and I went to dinner. It was very nice and enjoyable (a little sad without Mom & Dad) but still nice to be together, eat good food and not have to cook or clean up! lol.

Aimee & I were able to watch the new Harry Potter movie "The half blood prince" which was great! We are Harry Potter fans!!!

We had a lot of commotion Sunday about head lice that Aimee & Eric got from his sister's children. Lots of cleaning, spraying, washing, vacuuming, using Rid etc. Hopefully, that's all taken care of.

I am exhausted!! I slept in today. I don't have any real plans for today. I did some Peer Volunteer work earlier and I do have more laundry to do.

I hope you all had a great Christmas and have a wonderful, safe New Year!!

Thank you all for reading and sharing and caring!

Peace and Hope,


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Tuesday Dec. 15th, 2009

Hi to All,

Yes, it's Tuesday and I'm fighting the blues. I don't know what's wrong? I just feel myself getting lower & lower. I'm actually becoming less social too. I can watch TV a little bit but not too much as it irritates me immensely. I do some things around the house. Most people irritate me,

I don't have a stereo anymore so I can't really listen to music.

I should be happy. Linda & Michael have moved home. I have seen Aimee several times in the last few months (which is unusual, great but unusual) but often I find myself tearing up and I don't know why. I guess this demon inside me is causing the sadness?! It causes so many unpleasant feelings! I still have some rageful anger too. That's pretty scary!
What happened to happiness??? I don't know where it's gone. I pray for peace and sanity. Where are my prayers going these days??

I know I'm declining because things are getting harder and harder. I hope I am getting the real study medication and not the placebo. I'm needing all the help I can get!!

Aimee & Eric & Turtle are coming in next week for Christmas. I am excited about that. I hope I can shake the blues soon!

What's wrong with me?????

Peace and Hope,


Friday, December 11, 2009

It's Friday again

Hi to All,

I'm not sure where this week went. I think I slept it away! I took a lot of naps this week.

Mom and Dad are doing OK. Dad seems to be slowing down. After all, he's 87, but he's always been like an entergizer bunny that keeps going and going and going.

Linda & Michael are doing well. Michael is still setting up his office and computer. He's a workhorse. Linda still has boxes to go through.

Aimee & Eric are fine. Aimee & I talked on the phone for a long time. She's so funny. She really makes me laugh. I miss her!! Turtle is enjoying the cold weather by wearing his bumble bee costume!! He's soooo cute. lol.

Jamey and her family are fine. As is Julie and hers.

I went to the therapist today feeling ok yet tired. I spoke with her about my EX and the fact that I didn't think I had completely gotten over him. I still dream about him a lot. Sometimes, I find myself thinking of him. Don't misunderstand me. I don't want him back or anything! He was a jerk, a user, a liar! I told the therapist this and she drew a picture of a man. She put a pink spot on one of his arms and one of his legs. She asked me to hold the picture up in front of me and asked me what color he was. I said "White" (she had drawn a picture in black on white paper. Then, she told me to put the paper very close to my eyes,putting the pink in front of me and asked me what color he was and I said "Pink." She told me I was right. She said many women don't look at the whole man. They look at the parts of a man they like/love (the pink spots) but not the whole picture. She said perhaps I was missing the good/pink part of my EX that I had loved and not the whole real man. It made me cry a lot but I think she made a lot of sense. I do miss the few spots of Rusty that I loved but not the real Rusty who was not that good and couldn't have helped me through all this! She's quite a therapist!

So I've cried some day. I went to the grocery. I came home. Took care of Winston and Simon. We ate dinner. I did the dishes. I did some Peer Volunteer work which I love to do. Now, I'm off to bed.

I'm tired and lonely but I guess I'll survive.

I'm still blessed with a wonderful family but you can't take your family to bed with you at night!

I've spent the better part of my adult life alone since my husband died. Sometimes, it's just hard!

Wishing you all a good night.

Peace and Hope,


Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Day after Pearl Harbor Day!

Hi to All,

Whew, am I tired! The CBS crew came in yesterday morning @ 7:30am. Aimee flew in Sunday evening. Dad, Linda, Michael and I had gone to the play "Beauty and the Beast" on Sunday afternoon. Gloria stayed with Mom (What a jewel)!

Aimee & I visited a short time on Sunday evening the I feel asleep.

On Monday AM, Erin H. with the Nat'l Alzheimer's Assn in Chicago arrived here @7:15am to be with me, Mom and Aimee. She's so wonderful! Then, the CBS Evening News crew arrived with Amy the producer from New York and Dr. Jon LaPook. He did the interviewing. They filmed me in my apartment doing my Nintendo DS Brain Games, they filmed Aimee & I eating breakfast. Later they filmed Aimee & I getting Mom up out of bed. Later, Jon interviewed Mom, Me and Aimee.

Later we went to the La. Research Assoc. where I has a lot of testing done prior to my first dose of study medication. They filmed there too. The crew left and went back to Mom & Dad's to film some more. Linda & I had to wait a while longer so I could have another EKG done. I was soooooo exhausted when the crew left the facility, I feel asleep on one of the sofas at the Research Center. Out like a light!!

Linda & I arrived home around 5:30pm and everyone (including my Aimee) was gone. Luckily, I was able to kiss her and say goodbye before she left (at the Research Center) Wonderful Michael drove her to the airport. She arrived home safely greeted by Eric and Turtle.

We ordered Pizza and everyone went to bed very early.

Everyone was wonderful yesterday! Especially my family! Gosh, I'm so blessed & lucky to have such a great family!!!
Elena with the local AD Assn came by. She's so sweet and helpful!

Dr Jon LaPook was very nice. Intelligent, Gentle, concerned and interested. He, also, had a great sense of humor! He really wants to help the Alzheimer's cause! That's great because we need all the help we can get!!!!!!!!!!

Today, was a wash out for me. I got up, had some coffee the went back to bed. Woke up again around 3:30pm. Took care of white dog and orange cat. Linda cooked dinner. We all ate and I did the dishes. I watched a little TV with Linda and Michael the came upstairs to do some Peer Volunteer work. After that, now I'm writing on my blog.

But, I'm very tired again so I must say good night.

I hope all of you are well. I will let you know when the show airs in January!

Peace and Hope,


Sunday, December 6, 2009

Sunday December 6th

Hi to All,

Everything seems to be going pretty well here. Mom is actually walking a little more. We had a hand rail put up in the hallway to assist her because she hates using her walker. She a tad more mobile which is great!

Today is Sunday. Dad & I, Linda & Michael are going to see Beauty and the Best. Gloria is coming to sit with Mom.

Linda & Michael's house is really coming along. It's starting to take shape. Hopefully, it will feel like home to them soon.

Aimee arrives this evening!! Wow, I can't wait to see her!! Happy Happy, Joy Joy!!

The CBS evening news arrives here tomorrow morning @ 7:30am! So early! It should be a wild and crazy day!

I've been rather tired lately and have had to take a nap here and there. My apartment is still a mess but I've been too tired to do much about it. So, I just live with it.

Jamey and her family are fine as well as Julie and her family!

I've spoken with Alexis (didn't see her for Thanksgiving) but she seems to be ok. We have a date on December 19th. I can't wait. I miss her!

I'll write more after all the commotion is over.

Thanks to All of you.

Peace and Hope,


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wow, It's December already!

Hi to All,

As you all know we survived and enjoyed Thanksgiving.

After the holidays and Aimee & Eric went back home, I've started working on my apartment again. Boxes, Tubs and more tubs and boxes to go through! Ahhhhhhhhhh! I still have way too much stuff! I have a lot more sorting to do.

It's wonderful having Linda & Michael here to help with Mom & me. Although Linda sometimes makes me mad with her lack of care of her diabetes (she wears an insulin pump), I love her and I'm so glad to have my sister back home!

White dog and orange cat are doing well. They are slowly adjusting to their new home.

My friend Keith came on Monday to help me with the boxes/tubs and the sorting. He's been great!

Aimee & Eric are OK. Aimee's been rather emotional waiting for her period to come down.

Haven't really spoken much with Jamey and her crew. I've called a few times but haven't received a call back. Hope they are all OK.

Julie and her family are fine.

What's up with me???? Well, I'm trying to get used to my new place. Sometimes, I still wake up not quite knowing where I am. I hope time will fix that! Still unpacking and organizing.

Oh, good news. Me and my family have been chosen by CBS evening news with Katie Couric to have our story told. Well, not exactly our story but the story of a family with multi-generational Alzheimers. They are coming in Sunday and will begin filming on Monday. It will air sometime in January. I'll let you know.

My wonderful daughter is flying back here Sunday to do the story with us on Monday!! She's tired (they just got back home from Thanksgiving), and has taken pills to bring her period down (it's been over 3 months). So, what a trooper she is!! I'm so lucky to have her for MY daughter! Thanks, Aims! I Love You!!

Linda and Michael are still in the process of unpacking and sorting. Michael is, also, in the process of setting up his new office here. They have been some busy bees!

Mom and Dad seem to be doing OK. We've had PT & OT come out and re-evaluate Mom to see if we can build up her strength and get her more mobile. Linda has volunteered to be the one to push Mom to walk more and do her exercises. As you know in the past, Mom and I butt heads pretty badly. I hope and pray Linda is more successful!

My headboard and bed frame came in so now my bed is off the floor. It looks great! Michael & Keith raised my TV so now I can watch TV in bed. YeeHaw!! I am living now!!! lol.

Oh, I start my new drug study this Monday so say a prayer for me that I get the drug and not the placebo!!!

Getting very tired. Wish you all a good night's sleep. Take care.

Peace and Hope,


Friday, November 27, 2009

"Black Friday"

Hi to All. Yes, we survived Thanksgiving and actually enjoyed it!

We were Thankful for all of us who were here but a little sad that the whole gang wasn't together.

Linda & I seasoned the turkey the night before Thanksgiving so it was ready to go in the oven Thursday morning. Linda made her heart attack mashed potatoes, I made oyster dressing and the gravy, Aimee made the green bean casserole, and Eric made the sweet potatoes. My friend, Elena, brought a a corn/greenbean casserole, cookies and pecan pie. Eric's Dad brought more desserts. We had rolls, cranberries and tons of desserts from Lisa & Rich. It was fabulous! We really enjoyed not only the food but being together. We set up 2 tables lengthwise so we all (12) sat at a big, long table. It was great!!

We had lots of clean up help so it went well! We had a lot to be thankful for! Rich was cured of his cancer so he and his family were very happy (so were we). Linda and Michael had safely moved in. Aimee & Eric were here. Eric's Dad came to celebrate with us too. (Eric's Mom died last year).

I missed not having Alexis and Marty there but I guess I can't have everything!

Today is "Black Friday." I forgot what that means except I know that it's a BIG shopping day. I'm staying out of all that mess. Plus, the money's low.

Spoke with Jamey briefly today and she and her family are fine. Good!!

Unfortunately, Aimee & Eric have to leave tomorrow. It makes me very sad. But, they are coming back for Christmas this year which is a first in a long time!!!! That's gives me something to look forward to.

Mom and Dad are doing OK. I think they enjoyed Thanksgiving!

Thanks to all of you for reading and sharing and caring!!

Peace and Hope,


Monday, November 23, 2009

"Monday Monday"

Hi to All.

Just a quick note to let y'all know Aimee, Eric and Turtle arrived safely! Yea! Almost all of our family is together now. Of course, we're missing Marty, Alexis, Elissa & Mike, & Mikey! But I guess we can't have everything.

The trailer is unloaded! It's a miracle. And Michael seems OK. (Thank God). He and Keith are doing some shifting around of boxes.

Aimee and I had fun the last couple of days just being together and laughing! She's soooooo wonderful! I just love her to death! Eric has been very sweet and helpful too. White dog, black dog (Turtle), and orange cat are getting along fine. The kids are staying upstairs with me because Linda & Michael have been in such a mess!

I'm very happy but very tired. It takes everything I have to stay awake all day doing things then stay up a while at night with Aimee! But it's all worth it!

Poor Michael & Linda are pretty pooped and Linda has been having a lot of low blood sugars! Hopefully after today they can have a down day and just relax.

As far as I know, everyone else is OK. I haven't heard from Jamey in a while. I've called twice and she hasn't called back. I don't remember if she said they were going out of town for Thanksgiving. I hope all is well with them!

Happy Thanksgiving to All! I do have a lot to be thankful for!

Peace and Hope,


Saturday, November 21, 2009

It's Saturday again!

Wow, Time flies when you're having fun!! lol (not really)

What a week! I've been in high gear getting ready for Aimee & Eric & Turtle to come this evening! Val and I have been busting our butts getting things organized!

Michael arrived safely last yesterday afternoon (Thank God). Now phase 2 begins. Unloading their trailer. We have hired some high school/college boys to do the heavy work so Michael can just supervise. Michael looks pretty tired these days so I'm hoping he'll just supervise!!

Everyone here is OK. I'm pretty exhausted but VERY excited the kids will be arriving this evening for the Thanksgiving holidays.

Hope all of you are well. Thanks so much for reading this! Any input is greatly appreciated!

Peace and Hope,


Monday, November 16, 2009

10 days later! Monday pm

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I've written! So many things have happened. I don't know if I can remember all of them to tell you.

Well, I've been extremely tired requiring almost daily naps. I'm still moving the last of my stuff upstairs. Keith came today to help. (Thank goodness).

Let's see. Last week Poor Linda got bitten many times on her left hand by one of her cats, Lizzy. We tried to clean and treat it at home but it became red and swollen so she had to go to the doctor who gave her an antibiotic shot and some oral antibiotics. Poor Lin, her left hand and arm are a mess, swollen and painful.

Dad seems to be dazed and confused these days and not too happy. Mom continues to decline slowly and be a recliner bum. She does nothing!! Oh well, guess I can't change that!!

We're having serious plumbing problems. The plumbers were here today with an estimate of 21,500!!! Yikes!! Suken, broken pipes under the house! oh No!

My computer has been on the fritz. It keeps loosing the wireless signal so I can't go on line. I don't know what's up with that!

Michael is having a difficult time in NJ. Apparently, he underestimated how much packing and stuff he had left to do after he brought Linda and the cats down south.
He's been a busy bee!! Michael, we can't wait for you to be home safe with us!!

Aimee and Eric are doing fine. They're anxiously awaiting their trip home for Thanksgiving. They arrive this Saturday! Yea! I can't wait!!!!

Jamey and her family seem to be doing well. Alexis has been sick but is now doing OK.

Well, pray for all of us! Michael arrives on Friday. Their furniture also arrives on Friday. Truck will be unloaded Saturday, Sunday and Monday! Wish us luck!

Oh, Linda fell off the chair today and landed on her butt! I sure hope she didn't damage her back surgery!!

I have been buying some storage things and Val and I have been putting them together to try to organize my small place with all my stuff! Yikes!!

Wish me luck. I'm going to La. Research Assoc. to try to be admitted to a drug study. I wasn't accepted on the first study I applied for because I carry the EOAD gene. I hope I get accepted into this one!

Well, I'm tired (as usual). Thanks for reading and sharing and caring!!!

Peace and Hope,


Friday, November 6, 2009

It's another Friday

Hi to All,

Wow, things are still jumping around here. Workman, animals, my sister, my parents. I don't know. My head is swirling but good!

I can't believe it's Friday already. Where has the week gone?

I am sleeping a little better. I slept 5 hours straight last night! It's a new record! Today I drove myself to therapy. Kinda scary but made it. Also, went to the discount pharmacy to pick up some stuff.

When I got home, I was exhausted, so I took a nap! Linda woke me up when she came back from getting a haircut.

Mom is hanging in there. She seems to be glad Linda is here but I don't think Linda has spent a lot of one on one time with her yet. We've been pretty busy doing things, getting organized, and trying to finish my move! Dad seems to be going with the flow as long as his routine doesn't get too messed up. Linda's been great about feeding Mom & Dad dinner, me too! (I do the clean up!)

Michael is back in NJ, working and packing. Hurry home, Michael!!

Aimee & Eric seem to be doing well. Eric had a flex day off today so they were going to do something fun! Great!

I haven't spoken with Jamey or Julie in the last couple of days but I'm sure they and their families are doing fine.

Ya know, I realize I am declining but I don't feel quite so afraid. I think it's because Linda is here to take care of Mom and Dad. So, if I go down hill, my parents will still be well cared for and that makes me happy. They've been good parents to both of us!! And terrific grandparents to Aimee!!

I still feel some pressure to finish the move. Keith will come again on Monday to give me a hand and now Linda is here to help too. She's been great!! It's wonderful having my sister home!!! I can't wait for Michael to finally be here for good!

Aimee & Eric will come for Thanksgiving so I have that to look forward to. I miss my baby girl!! (I know she's not a baby but she's my baby).

Alexis has been very busy with school and cheer leading so I haven't seen her. I miss her too. I can't wait for her to see my new apartment!

I'm hanging in there! Thanks for all your wonderful comments and prayers! They mean a lot to me!

Peace and Hope,


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

It's Tuesday and it's November already!

Hi to All.

Well, My sister Linda and her hubby Michael arrived safely Sunday pm ( and the 4 kitties)! Thank God their all safe!! It was a long hard ride for them but now it's over.

I had put a roast in the crock pot that morning so that night they'd have a home-cooked meal. Well, it came out ok and at least is was hot!

Everyone was pretty exhausted Monday but we were all happy to be together! We visited, cooked and napped!

I'm still not sleeping well at night so I am taking naps almost daily now.

Linda and I brought Michael to the airport today. He flew back to New Jersey to finish packing up the house. He's going to be a busy bee for the next couple of weeks!! (He's such a great guy). He'll return a week or so before Thanksgiving.

Linda and the kitties were sad to see Michael go.(Me too). Linda and I went shopping today to get a few things for her house and my new apartment. I was a bit confused and Linda wandered off ( as usual). It was fun but rushed and then I was very tired. Had to come home and sleep.

Aimee and Eric are doing well and are busy working. Turtle is fine too. I can't wait to see them at Thanksgiving!!!

Jamey and her family are doing fine. Julie and Barbara made to back to Texas safely and are doing well.

I look around this apartment and it's so strange here! But, I am so very happy to have my sister home again. It's weird to see her in MY old house but I guess I'll just have to get used to it!

Mom and Dad seem to be happy Linda is here. Mom seems more weak and frail. I think Dad was happy to see another male (Michael).

My friends Lisa and Rich are doing well. The cancer is gone!! Yes!

Haven't seen Alexis in weeks now. I guess being 13 is pretty rough and busy. I do miss her!

White dog and orange cat are here with me. Orange cat is having a rough time adjusting to our new place but hopefully in time, he will adapt too!

Since I've moved, I only sleep 3-4 hours at a time. Please, now pray for me a sleep a full night. I need the rest.

Thank you all for all your wonderful thoughts and prayers! They are working!

Peace and Hope,


Saturday, October 31, 2009

It's Halloween!

Yes, I've moved and survived, bearly!

I'm living upstairs from Mom and Dad now. Wow, it's so weird! Finally got phone service late this afternoon (although the phone co. said it would be done yesterday.)

I'm sorry I haven't written but I've been exhausted plus I am having computer problems!

Linda and Michael are on their way down here! yea!

I can't wait to see my sister!!!! And Michael too! And the 4 kitties!!

Orange cat and white cat are adjusting to living in a new place! I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night since I've moved here!!!

Aimee & Eric are carving their pumpkin as I write this. I miss them too! Turtle is dressed like a bumble bee!! He's so cute!!!

Happy Halloween to All. Be Safe!!

I'll write more when I can.

Peace and Hope,


Monday, October 26, 2009

Tuesday Oct. 27th 2009

Hi to All. The big move is tomorrow so wish me luck.

I've had a kinda rough day today and Gloria was off because she had to take care of her husband. Dad worked part of the day and was in and out! We both forgot Mom's doctor's appointment today! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! It had to be re-scheduled!

My plate is over-flowing. If Keith wasn't here to help I'd flip!

Aimee & Eric are OK.

Linda and Michael are dog paddling ( I think).

Jamey hurt her neck and Lexie is sick. Alexis is doing well!!!(Thank God).

Julie and Barbara came today but are sleeping elsewhere (thank God!) Keith worked hard today!

Linda's floors were delivered here today. Gosh, it's all so strange!

Donna's son Bobby is coming tomorrow to help Keith with the heavy stuff and if the carpenter shows and puts in the door, I'll be sleeping with my animals upstairs tomorrow night! Wow!!!!!!!!!!! Like sure changes quickly sometimes!!!!!! I sure hope I don't flip out!

I spoke with the phone company today to transfer my phone upstairs. The can't do that until Friday.

The man comes on Wednesday to start laying Linda's floors in my house!! Wow, no, it's Linda and Michael house now! I'm on my sofa now looking around. After 32 years this old house still looks pretty good! Aimee grew up here. She had many slumber parties here! Swimming parties too! This house was filled with lots and lots of little girls for many years! I hope she remembers. So far, I do!

I've gotta stop. I'm tired and I'll drive myself crazy with all the memories here (good and bad)! Tears are running down my face as I remember all the years! Gosh, plenty of people have lived in this little half of double including Jamey and her family!

Gotta stop now. Too much pain. Keith is sleeping and can't help!

Peace and hope to all.


Sunday, October 25, 2009


Today is a little better. I took a nap yesterday afternoon which I think re-set my brain a bit. Dad woke me up (to let me know it was night time). They were doing ok, thank God.

Jeff had called and left a message on the machine that he was available to put together some furniture for me. So, I got up, washed my face, ate a bowl of cereal and called Jeff. He came over and put together my new coffee table and end tables for upstairs. I was still rather confused but Jeff didn't seem to care too much he just sat on the floor and put the stuff together. I was the fetch-it and helper!

Jeff left around 11 or 12. I had forgotten to take my meds so I took them when he left. It was nice of him to come by to do that! Thanks, Jeff!

Aimee and Eric went to Helen yesterday for Octoberfest! It was crowded but they had a good time. Linda and Michael are packing like crazy!!!!

I didn't go to bed until around 1:30am and got up about 6:00am. That's how it's been lately. Sleeping in spurts!!

The Saints play today. I hope I will be able to watch the game with Mom and
Dad. Sometimes, they have the TV soooooooo loud I can't stand it!! We'll see what happens. They have a MUCH bigger TV than me!

I'm a little spacey today but not like yesterday. I have done a few things now I am putting my leg up. I sure wish this leg would heal. It sure slows me down!

Thanks for sharing and caring and your kind words. They mean a lot to me!!!! I'm going to alz.org now to do some Peer Volunteer work now!

Peace and Hope,


Saturday, October 24, 2009

It's Saturday afternnoon and all is NOT well!

Hi. I've decided to try to write down what happened a few minutes ago in the bathroom rather than tell anyone and scare them.

I was in the bath room taking a bath when I couldn't remember how you use things and I couldn't remember which things I had done. Had I shampooed my hair or just wet it? I know now I forgot to use the smoothing cleanser on my body (can't think of the name). I couldn't find any deodorant. What's weird is that I couldn't spell deodorant but I found a dictionary to look up the spelling???

I went in the cabinet under the vanity in the bathroom to pack it and I got so confused and so scared. It felt like a demon was upon me! I was blank! My heart started beating fast and my respirations sped up! Anxiety?????? I don't know what it was but it was sooooooooooo confusing that I stopped and cried and left the bathroom!!! I still feel some doom but it's not as bad as before. I feel like I'd like to run and hide but there's no where to go! There's no one to protect me from the monster!! The monster is coming. I can feel it! I just don't know when it will take over!!

I'm trying to hold on to this roller coaster but damn it's getting really hard!! I know my sister & BIL are coming. I must hold on. I can't tell my folks because they'd flip!! They have too much on their plate already!!

Maybe it's the stress of the move??? Maybe things will settle down?? You know what's strange is that I can write this but I can't talk about it! When I talk I burst into tears and fall apart. So, I guess writing will be the way I do this??!! But, my handwriting is getting bad too so perhaps if I can hold onto this computer, I can tell my story.

I hope it helps someone because this feels terrible! It's terrifying!! At times, it gloom and doom!! I hope this will go away for a while. It's still with me now so I'll keep typing! Sometimes, it feels like when I've had too much to drink, or smoked a joint ( it's been 34 years), I feel discomboulated!!!! Everything feels and looks different. Except this keyboard. Maybe that's my reality??

I think it must be stress! I'm trying to become rational. Perhaps the move and all?? I've lived in this house for 32 years!! I'm so glad my sister & BIL are coming but maybe I'll miss my house like she'll miss her house??? I don't know anything anymore!! Yet, at times, I do know some things. It's so weird!!??!!

I hear the pump going in the pool outside and although it aggravates me it, also, gives me comfort because I know the world it still out there. And I guess to everyone else, it is the same world. But not to me! My world is rapidly changing. I hope I get accepted into this new study so I can take some new meds! But, perhaps I'll get the placebo?? Then what?? Oh well. I just can't fight everything!!

My visual/spatial problems are increasing. I am facing the fear of giving up driving!! I'm NOT ready. I'm too young. I don't want to be dependent!!! I am a fairly young, independent woman!! Oh no, that's the old me. Who is this new me? What can she do?? It seems she can't do much. That's NOT acceptable to me! But, who do I fight with or complain to??? Who will give me back the OLD ME???

I HATE being angry, scared and dependent! It's sucks big time!!!! I'm still trying to figure our who this NEW ME is and how to accept her????!!!

I think my mind is playing tricks on me! The devil! I guess Alzheimer's disease makes me feel crazy sometimes????

Now, I'm going to have to start writing down everything!! Did I eat? Did I bathe? Did I feed my animals? Did I take my meds? I don't think my little book is going to hold all that information!

I'm so tired. Tired of this disease. Tired of this day! Hopefully, I can take a nap and not have nightmares!!!

I have to stop now. I can't do this anymore.

Peace and Hope,


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wednesday, where are the days going?


Didn't get much accomplished today. Went to my doctor yesterday. He sent me for another Ultrasound of my right calf because it's still huge and painful. All I know is that hematoma is larger but I don't have a blood clot (so I guess that's good news).

Went to my therapist today to get some things off my chest. We discussed all the things that have been going on in my life and the quote I read on the AD Message Boards that I liked "We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the like that is waiting for us." I asked her how do I do that? She said she thought I was doing that already by moving upstairs and changing with the flow of life. I said that I'd like to do it more gracefully and with less anger. She said she thought I was doing pretty good under the circumstances. (I don't know that I agree with that). I cried a lot during the session! I had A lot more than I thought I had trapped inside. It came gushing out and I had trouble containing it! It was kind of a mess, then, I had to drive home!! That's not been going well, either. My visual/spatial problems are increasing! help!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think soon my driving days will be over but I haven't given it up completely yet. I'm just not ready!!!! I have an EOAD/YOAD support group tomorrow I plan to attend. I need it! I'll just be very careful. ( Keith has been driving the last few days but he had to go home and go back to work.)

Still packing and planning and moving things up!

Aimee and Eric are doing well. Linda and Michael are finishing up for their upcoming move. I haven't heard from Jamey today. Julie and Barbara are coming next week.

Had to turn the AC back on. It got hot again today! what a drag!

My EX called yesterday (what a jerk). I asked if we could be adults and if I could see my dog Rudy (that I have been missing and dreaming about) but he said NO, the jerk!! What a creep! Anyway, I guess I'll never see my Rudy again! It's so sad. Why does Rusty have to be such an jerk??????????????

I took a nap after therapy. I was wiped out. Mom and Dad are doing fine (thank goodness, awaiting their first born daughter)!

Gotta go put my leg up!

Peace and Hope,


Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday again

Well, tried to rest my leg this weekend but now I've run out of time.

Linda and Michael leave New Jersey Halloween morning. That gives me less than 2 weeks to pack up, move, and get the new floors laid in my old house! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Aimee & Eric are doing fine enjoying some good Georgia weather. Jamey and her family are well. Mom and Dad are hanging in there waiting for Linda and Michael (although Mom fell last week)! Another miracle, nothing broken!!!

White dog and orange cat have been enjoying some nice Louisiana weather too!

Picked up Keith today. He had to drive home because I'm having serious visual-spatial problems. We picked up some clear large containers to pack up some of my stuff in!

Julie & Barbara are coming in next week but are not staying with me. I can't handle anymore stuff!

Well, the push is on!!! Wish me well. I have a lot to do and very little time to do it in!

Peace and Hope,


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Thursday before the Storm.

Hi to All,

I haven't written because of my big blue funk but then I decided not to let this funk get in my way so here goes........

Keith came on Monday and Tuesday to help me finish the upstairs and closets and stuff. Jamey came in on Monday (she had an md appt on Tues.) and stayed until Wednesday.

I can be very difficult sometimes. My sister reminds me that I change often and want to be treated differently on different days. Some days I want to be treated as "normal" but then when someone doesn't understand my deficits or my anger, I get VERY frustrated! Other days, according to Linda, I want people to understand my EOAD/disability! Hell, I don't know what I want!

I've been trying to get this house straightened up and cleaned out so that I can move upstairs next door and Linda and Michael can move here from New Jersey. But, since I hurt my leg on my bike, I'm not much good for anything. It's very frustrating. The minute I start walking on my leg or if I go upstairs it blows up like a balloon and is very painful. So much so that I can't sleep at night. I'm still MAD about someone stealing my new Bike!

Today, I am resting my leg. I am sitting on my sofa doing Peer Volunteer work and making phone calls that I should have made all week.

Getting back to well, how do I say it, ME? My feelings, my emotions? God, that sounds so self centered! I guess, I'm just trying to put things into words that perhaps can help others like me or their care givers. Believe me, I don't have any answers! I'm learning as I go. I think my sister is going to have a lot to learn when she moves here. My BIL too.

I wanted to say something about my visit with my cousin Jamey. It was a good visit. I know, sometimes, I can be hard and difficult. Jamey is a very sweet, gentle soul, she's ,also, a little spacey at times, but, she LISTENS! And I needed someone to listen to me this week. I cried some, we laughed some, but Jamey listened. She was there and I LOVE her for that. Thank you, Jamey for being you!

Getting back to my craziness. Well, I guess you can call having Young-Onset Alzheimer's disease being kinda crazy! I have mood swings, sleepless nights, can't remember lots of stuff, yet still love my family and friends! Get angry a lot (although I am working on that) and adore my daughter.

It's hard to know what to say about this disease as it effects the brain and the brains effects so many things including feelings and emotions. I know some days the old me comes through and I want to take care of myself and be on my own and be self sufficient (like it used to be). Then, there are days when I'm not so strong and I wish I had someone to help me take care of all this including me! I didn't think I'd see the day when I'd want someone to take care of me but that's more and more how I'm feeling these days. Yet, It angers me that I feel this way! So.......what's up with all these feelings??????

And, when will I get over all these losses that I suffered since I was diagnosed with Young-Onset AD? I'm tired of feeling these losses! I want them over and done with. Is that too much to ask??

Peace and Hope,


Sunday, October 11, 2009

It's just another Sunday.

Hi to All.

I haven't written in a while because I've been in a big blue funk! At least that's how I describe it.

I've forgotten what I've written but I do know y'all know about my biking accident.

I saw the doctor for my thumbs last week (severe pain in both thumbs right greater than left). I have bad arthritis in both thumbs! ickkkk! Even ibuprofen doesn't help!

I have been soaking my leg and soaking my thumbs and I'm tired of soaking!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!

Oh, I don't know if I told y'all the latest. My new Trike was stolen!!! I received the bill for it on Saturday and it was already gone with the wind! Stealing really sucks! I don't understand why anyone thinks they have the right to take other people's stuff??? What's wrong with these people???

Oh hell!! sometimes, it just makes me so mad I could just scream! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

My leg is still huge and painful and I have been home all weekend with it propped up! I spoke with the doctor last week he said it could take 4-6 weeks to heal!! What??? I don't have 4-6 weeks!.. Linda and Michael are heading down south the weekend of Halloween!!! I'll give it a couple more days then..........

Aimee and Eric are doing well. Aimee is enjoying her dog walking/sitting. It was great to see her last weekend. Marty is back in Florida and safe! Jeff came and fixed my cable tv! Jamey is feeling better and coming to visit tomorrow (I hope I can walk). Mom and Dad are hanging in there. So far, so good!!

Elena is taking me to sign up for a drug study tomorrow so keep your fingers crossed.

Orange cat and white dog are fine. (I sure do miss my Rudy). They have been sleeping with me every night.

I still wish I knew how to give up my old life to make way for this new life!!

Any ideas??????????

Peace and Hope,


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

It's Wednesday

Hi to All.

Just a quick note to let y'all know that I stayed home today with my leg propped up. Stayed off of it all day! Wow, am I bored! My cable is out too!

Spoke with Aimee. She and Eric and turtle are fine. Linda and Michael are still packing to move. Jamey's still battling severe allergy. Keith went back to work. Julie and Bob are fine in Texas. Haven't heard from Alexis.

I was doing some Peer Volunteer work today and I came across this quote: "We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

I've been thinking about those words and I still don't think I'm ready to let go of my old life. I wish I were. I think it would make things a lot easier for me. How do I get to that point??

Does anyone have any ideas for me?? I would love the input!!!!

Tomorrow, I get another EEG and MRI as I have declined (which I knew) and my neurologist wants new testing!

I took a nap today and I wasn't supposed to because of the EEG tomorrow. Now, I have to stay up late and only sleep 4-5 hours! I hope I can make it!!

White dog and Orange cat are doing well. My elbow and leg are killing me!!

Peace and Hope,


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

It's Oct. 6th!

Hi to All. I'm not sure where to start. I can't remember if I told you all about my accident on my new trike.

Well, about a week and a half ago I was riding my bike again, having a good ole time, when bam I went up the curb to put my bike away and the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground in the street (hit the whole left side of my body). I laid there a few minutes (no one was around to help) so I surveyed my damage. At first, I couldn't move my left arm/elbow but then, after some massaging/rubbing it moved a bit, my jaw hurt, my head hurt, my left leg/foot hurt but I was able to lift my bike off my and get up out of the street!! I was pretty wabbally but I made it inside. Wow, was I beat up!! Bumps, bruises, scrapes and cuts ans swelling! I went into the bathroom and cleaned myself up. Took 4 ibuprofen and grabbed a couple of ice paks!

I stayed on the sofa for a while then later, I helped Mom and Dad then went to bed.

Ok, back to Aimee. Well, let me tell you this first. Last Thursday morning after talking with Aimee and Linda on the phone I went to take my bath/shower. I stepped into the tub to grab my scrubby pad from the back of the tub and when I backed out of the tub I touched the back of my right calf on the side of the tub. Well, I screamed in pain, my calf swelled up like a balloon, and a sat in the tub to soak my leg!! I was in horrible pain. I didn't know what had happened.

Finally, I managed to get out of the tub and called my Dad at work. I asked him to come home to bring me to the Emergency Room!! By the hardest, I got myself dressed and Hopped into Dad's van and he dropped me off at the ER. They did a quick exam and an x-ray. I said, "It's not broken but maybe I have a blood clot or something from the fall I had a week ago."

They put me in a wheelchair in a waiting room, with this ice bag that I couldn't fit on my leg. I'm in terrible pain!! No call light, no nothing. Finally, I banged on the door because I had to go to the bathroom. The nurses looked more aggravated than anything. She wheeled me to the bathroom where I hopped into the bathroom (no help mind you), finally went to the bathroom and hopped back to the wheelchair. Then, I was returned to this waiting room!

I waited and waited. Asked for something for pain which I was denied until they knew what was wrong with me. By this time my right calf is about 3 times the size of my left! About an hour later, I was taken for an ultra sound where they found a large internal hematoma. I was given a shot of toradol, prescriptions for some meds and send home with brief instructions to stay off my leg, elevate and ice it!!!

I didn't even have time to ask questions. I was wheeled out to pay my co pay, call for my ride and sent home!!! Slam, bam, thank you Mam!!! All I knew was that I was in severe pain and I wanted to go home!

Well, my leg in still painful and swollen today!!!

Anyway, Aime and Eric and Turtle came in Friday evening. It was great to see them!
Aimee and I were both disappointed about my leg but decided to make the best of it. We talked and laughed and visited.

Got up Saturday at 6:00am to drink coffee and visit before "Memory Walk." Of course, I couldn't walk but Aimee and Eric and Keith and Julie and Felix and Gari and another Lisa walked in my place! I was very honored to be there and to have all these wonderful people walk for me and Mom! The Alzheimer's Memory Walk was a great success!!

Later, we came home. I was exhausted. But I had bought crawfish tails to make crawfish etouffe for Aimee. So, I did!! I thought my leg would burst!! But, the look on Aimee's face while eating it make it all worth while!! She was smiling and oohing and enjoying! (So was the rest of the family). We did more visiting then later went to bed.

Sunday, I woke up ok but then I felt like I was drugged. We drank coffee and visited then I had to go to sleep. I took a nap on the sofa. Later, Aimee and I laughed and talked and watched the Saint's Football Game (mostly muted) but we could here the guys hooting and hollering! The Saints Won!! So, everyone was happy. We visited some more then went to bed.

Aimee and Eric and Turtle left Monday morning to go back to Atlanta (well, Snellville). It was a wonderful visit!! I wished my leg was better but I enjoyed being with Aimee and Eric and my grand dog Turtle! I LOVE them all so very much!!

Went to the doctor today who told me I had bad arthritis in both thumbs and to stay off my leg!! I don't know if y'all remember but I'm supposed to be moving upstairs in about 3 weeks! Try to stay off your leg and move at the same time! Pretty difficult!!!

Keith came yesterday to help with painting and shoe molding. I finally had to give up and sat on the sofa with a pillow and ice pack as my leg continued to grow and hurt!!

I plan to rest tomorrow. Keep my leg up , iced and try to stay off of it as much as possible!!! (Dad's already said he'd like to walk in the mall in the morning b4 the sitter gets here and would I listen for Mom). And, to top off everything my cable went out!! So, I have NO TV!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Well, that's my life for now.

I've gotta get some sleep. Oh, went back to the shrink yesterday, he changed my meds again so we'll see what happens!!

Peace and Hope,


Wednesday, September 30, 2009

"Countdown to Aimee"

Hi to All,

I'm counting the days until Aimee and Eric arrive. Today is Wednesday. Aimee arrives on Friday evening!! Two more days! Yea! I can't wait!!!

I went to the therapist today. She's working with me on trying to find meds to help with the anger. We discussed Cymbalta instead of Lexapro and perhaps adding Abilify. I don't know the cost of these drugs, so I'll check with the shrink on Monday.

She's, also, trying to help we accept the "New Me." The me with dementia. The me that is no longer me or the me I once knew and loved. Another loss!! I'm having problems accepting all these losses. I think once I no longer realize what's going on it might not be so bad. But now, I'm still with it enough to witness and feel my own decline! It's frightening and maddening at the same time!!

Each day becomes more difficult. I have been a fighter all my life. It's very hard trying to figure out what I should battle and what I should just let go of. And, this "new me" well, she sucks in my opinion! Finding a balance is very difficult along with still caring for my Mom.

After I came home from therapy, I checked on Mom & Dad, ate a salad and went to sleep. I was exhausted! I slept almost 2 hours! I guess therapy is still hard work! lol.

Jamey is still sick poor thing. Aimee cleaned her house today and exercised! yea, Aimee. Linda & Michael are still trying to pack and get ready to move.

Dad seems to be more tired lately. I'm not surprised because he does more care now and he's getting older.

I'm still looking forward to our Memory Walk this Saturday! I hope you have great weather and a good turn out!

Sleep Well All,

Peace and Hope,


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Victorious Tuesday!

Hi to All,

Well, went to court today. It's about my ex owing me money on an educational loan I co-signed for him. Anyway, I won the judgement! Yes! Victory at last! It felt good!

I'm not exactily sure what happens next. He has 2 weeks to appeal the decision. Then, I guess I have to figure out how to get him to pay me back. I can't afford an attorney. Oh, I don't know. I'll play Scarlet today and worry about that tomorrow! Today, I'll bask in my victory!!

Things have been going OK at home. Mom's been sleeping more but seems ok. I'm on the mend physically (thank goodness). As for my AD, well, I'm declining. Next week I'm schedule for an MRI and EEG!

Aimee and Eric are coming in this Friday and I'm soooooo excited!! I can't wait to see them. Turtle too! I've been so lonesome for them!

Elena dropped off our Memory Walk tee shirts tonight. She's so great and thoughtful. It's wonderful having her as my friend!

My poor cousin Jamey has been sick as a dog! I feel so bad for her. Cold, fever, aches ickkk! I hope she feels better soon!

Linda and Michael are still plugging along with getting their house ready and packing. I know there are both getting pooped! Linda said today that Michael said she be here by Halloween!! Well, we'll see!

Our Memory Walk is this Saturday Oct. 3rd. I'm excited. I hope we have a good crowd! I'm lucky to have my family and friends walking with me!

I see my new therapist again tomorrow. I'll let you know how that goes.

Keith got a few closets painted upstairs today. Only 2 left! yes! Then, the moving begins! Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Well, I'm tired and I have to drive to therapy tomorrow so I need to try to get a good night's sleep!

Sleep well all.

Peace and Hope,


Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sunday, the first day of the week!

Hi to all.

Well, where should I start?

I had a major "Melt Down" Friday night! I was riding my new tricycle and fell down, hurt my left arm, elbow, hip, jaw, chin, head! I think I just snapped! I was lying in the street, so upset that I wrecked my new bike, I hurt myself (after a wonderful bike ride), and there wasn't anyone there to help me!!

I finally picked myself up and went inside, cleaned myself off (I looked like I had been abused) took ibuprofen and got ice! Then, the tears started and I couldn't stop them! I had seen the neurologist earlier in the week and she had spoken with me about not driving anymore, and I told her NO, that I would still drive because I could still determine a good day from a bad day. I guess I was feeling overwhelmed, unhappy, unloved and alone!!!

Later, I moved my beat up body to the tub where I attempted to soak away the pain, bruising and swelling! (that didn't help either).

Spent a short period of time with Mom and Dad. Mom was mean so I left!! I just couldn't handle it!

Later on, my cousin Jamey called, so she got the brunt of it!! I cried and cried and cried! Poor Jamey, She was so sweet but seemed lost too! But she's a good listener! Thank you, Jamey, I Love You!

Well, here I am. Still alive and kicking! Aimee made me promise not to ride my bike anymore until she comes on Friday.

Oh, That's the great news! Aimee, Eric and Turtle are coming this Friday!! I'm very excited to see all of them. They are driving in for the AD Memory Walk on Saturday!!! Yea!!

Jeff came by last night to help me take measurements on the upstairs apartment. Keith's here now to help me start cleaning and moving tomorrow.

Wow, I'm starting to feel rather overwhelmed about all this but, well, here goes!!

Hope you all are well. Please keep your fingers and toes crossed that all this goes well!

Peace and Hope,


Thursday, September 24, 2009

It's Thursday and I think I'm recovering.

Hi to All,

Wow, it Thursday already. This has been a crazy week for me! I'm still fighting this virus, saw my Pcp, neurologist, and new therapist all this week along with attending my EOAD support group today! Whew, now I know why I'm so tired! lol.

I didn't have any fever today so I think I'm over the hump with this virus thing! Still have a pretty bad cough, though. (It's always something, right?)

Mom and Dad seemed to have managed well without me which is really good to know. Dad's pretty tired but he and Gloria did great with Mom! And, even Mom helped by trying to keep walking!! Did, I tell you, my Mom is walking again!! Yea! She's erect (well, sort of) and walking with assistance!! I'm thrilled!! (Maybe I need to get sick more often, huh?!)

Have been talking with Aimee and Linda daily. Aimee's finally feeling better. And Linda is busy being a good neighbor and trying to get ready to move.

Jamey and her family are doing OK although Sarah told Jamey she was in her business too much! Wow, that really ticked me off! Jamey is a wonderful grandmother and is always taking care of those kids. Sarah and Adam have some nerve talking to her like that. Jamey is coming to visit Sunday and to go to court with me on Tuesday. I can't wait to see her. We always have fun together.

Aimee and Eric and Turtle are coming in next Weekend for Memory Walk!! I can't wait to see all of them. I am as anxious as a child! We'll have great fun and help raise money for Alzheimer's Research! Oh, and I'll cook them some crayfish etouffee!!!!! yum! ( I hope I remember how to cook it! lol!)

Saw a new therapist this week. I think it's going to be a good match! I'll be able to vent to her and tell her things I can't even share with my family!! Hope this will help more with my anger.

Spoke with Lynn today the Nurse Practioner with my neurologist (Lynn's great), I have declined. Anyway, I've decided to wean off my Geodon/Risperadol, then change my antidepressant and get more therapy to help
control my rage/anger.
Please, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. With all these changes, I'm not sure what's going to happen!

Still doing my Peer Volunteer work and enjoying it. We will begin training some new PV's tomorrow to help out. The AD Message Boards are growing (thank goodness) and we need more help! Also, working on our upcoming Memory Walk here in New Orleans on Oct. 3rd!!! If anyone wants to donate my team is called "Carbo's Family and Friends"

Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for listening and sharing and caring!!

Peace and Hope,


Monday, September 21, 2009

I'm sick of being sick!

Hi to all. Went all day without fever or chills until late this afternoon.

Started with chills, the shakes then fever! Gosh, I'm so sick of being sick!! And, I feel rotten!

So far, Mom and Dad are OK. Please, keep praying!

When I'm feeling a little better I'll write a nice, long post and catch y'all up on everything!

Peace and Hope,

Thanks for hanging in there with me!


Sunday, September 20, 2009

Monday Sept 21st is World Alzheimer's Day!

Hi, to All.

Yes, I'm still sick but am on the mend. Fever's almost gone now.

FYI: Monday, September 21st is WORLD ALZHEIMER'S DAY!!

Everyone, please wear PURPLE and wear your AD pins and contact your officials!

Then, please speak with 5 people about AD/YOAD and ask them to speak with 5 people about AD/YOAD and so on....!

We need to ACT and be Visible!!!



Friday, September 18, 2009

Cool quote I heard

I was watching tv (can't remember the movie) but someone said "It's very difficult to be useful & unhappy at the same time!"

Think about that!

Cool, huh?

I gotta get some sleep now.

Good night all.


Still really sick

Hi to All. Just to let you know I'm still pretty sick. Fever stated again around 6 ish with chills and shakes. Cough and headache are pretty severe now. Body aches returning. My chest hurts from so much coughing!!

So far, Mom and Dad are OK. I've been staying away from them. Please, pray they don't catch this!!

I'll have to write later on.

Thanks. Sleep well all.


Coming into the Daylight

Hi to All.

Yes, I've survived! Wow, was I sick!! Temps almost 103! Chills, shakes, muscle spasms, cough, cold symptoms, the works! Fever finally broke at 6am today!

I'll write more later.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

I's really sick!

Hi to All,

Sorry I haven't posted in a while but I became really ill after my trip!

I thought it was bronchitis but now I think it might be H1N1. I'm on antibiotics, and as of yesterday pm and an inhaler. But my fevers are getting pretty high 102.2 and so on. I feel pretty cruddy!!

I have re-called my doctor to see if he will send me some tamiflu too.

I'll tell y'all about my wonderful trip to Dallas later.

I'm desperately trying to steer clear of Mom and Dad!

Peace and Hope,


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Crazy Times!

Hi to All. I haven't written because my life got a little crazy for a few days.

On Friday, I was bringing Mom to get her hair done (and I was getting my hair cut and highlighted) when Mom got stuck trying to get into the car. I'll try to briefly explain.
It was raining, so I decided to take Mom's car which Dad had parked under their carport but very close to the side of the house. Mom was actually walking OK. I opened the car door (which wouldn't open all the way) anyway, Mom started to get in with one leg then tried to sit. Anyway, she got STUCK half in and half out of the car. I dropped my purse to help her. Well, she was dead weight and couldn't help at all! The more I tried to help the more she screamed I was hurting her.

Finally, I decided to try to push the emergency button around her neck (it really made for inside the house). Nothing happened. We struggled for about 15 minutes (my back and lt. shoulder were killing me). I was trying to figure out how I could fall down and have Mom land on top of me. I was terrified she'd be badly injured!!! I couldn't figure that out so I started trying to reach my purse because mt cell phone was in it. Finally, got the cell phone and called Dad.

Dad was at the homestead and really couldn't hear me (He' really deaf) but finally he came (thank God) and we got Mom into the car!! I was exhausted and freaked!!

After we rested a few minutes, Mom still wanted to go get her hair done so I took her. I ladies at the shop (Pachuco) were wonderful and helped me get Mom in.

Wow, it was terrible! I was so afraid Mom would be seriously injured!

Later that evening, I was talking with Linda (my sister) on the phone telling her what happened. I told her I needed a drink!! lol. She told me to go soak in the tub for my back and shoulder and then have a drink. So, I went and soaked in the tub. Soaking actually felt good!! I got out of the tub then all hell broke loose.

I got out of the tub and was drying off. I became dizzy, terrible headache, short of breath, Chest pain, tried to walk to the bed and ran into the wall, fell down. I just couldn't walk straight!! I laid on the floor for a while and realized something was very wrong with me. Finally, crawled to my bed and called Lenny (my doctor) who happened to be on vacation in Florida. He instructed me to go to the ER!!! ( I thought I was having a stroke!)

Lenny, I said, I can't drive! He told me to call 911. I said NO that it would scare my parents to death (they live next door). Soooooooooo, I called Elena (the wonderful) who came and took me to the ER. Apparently Lenny had called telling them I was coming. Good. They fast tracked me. After a battery of tests the ER doctor told me I had a sever case of VERTIGO! They did give me some fluids and something for pain (head, back, neck). Finally, I said, If I didn't have a stroke, I want to go home!! So Finally, Elena took me home. I was loaded from the pain meds but I just went to bed. Elena was soooo wonderful!!!!

Yesterday, I was pretty wiped out. I did go get my nails done (for the trip today) then I came home and took a 2 1/2 hour nap. Packed, ate, and went to bed. Let Dad take care of Mom.

So, here I am. It's Sunday morning. I fed white dog and orange cat. I'm drinking some coffee. I'm pretty well packed. Oh, I'm flying to Dallas with Elena to speak at a Woman's Alzheimer's Awareness and Education group (A.W.A.R.E) tomorrow. Wishe me luck!!

My friend, Julie, is coming in to stay with Mom and DAD. God Bless Her!

I probably won't write again until Tuesday or Wednesday. I return home Tuesday late afternoon.

Aimee is still sick with a bad cold. Poor thing she's been battling it for days now.

Well, that's my story. Crazy, huh????

Peace and Hope to ALL,


Thursday, September 10, 2009

What does it mean I have Alzheimer's Disease?

Hi to all.

On the AD Message boards today I was trying to answer a question I had asked myself. The AD Message Boards are broken down into categories. I hope many of you will go there some time and check them out. One of the categories is "I have Alzheimer's." I started talking about what does it mean to say "I have Alzheimer's" I am continuing my thoughts now.

I said how now, 2 years after being diagnosed with EOAD, I was still trying to figure out what that means.

Well, I've lost my thoughts from the Message Boards so I'll have to start over. OK??

I was diagnosed at 53 now I'm 55. So what?? Well, I'm 2 years older. (that sucks).

Will I be me?? Well, who am I now? I'm not who I was before I was diagnosed. Do I recognize the new me? Who is new Me? Do I even like the new me?

I do know some things. I forget most things. If I didn't have my little daily notebook from Emory, I would be lost! I wouldn't remember anything. I check my book 3 times a day. It becomes fuller and fuller each day. I am forgetting more and more. It even reminds me to take my meds (because I forget to do that too). I even forget to eat or bathe sometimes.

I don't worry about having a terminal illness. Hopefully, something else will get me first.

I forget the names of things which really urks me!!! I start out with a thought and the "poof" it's gone with the wind!

I don't sleep well now. I don't seem to even be able to take naps anymore (which used to help me). I can't handle noise and TV makes me crazy (most of the time).
I can't read anymore although I do enjoy my daughter and sister reading aloud to me!

Most of the time I am angry or aggravated! Very seldom happy. I HATE feeling angry!!! It used to be foreign to me but now it's becoming the norm. I am working with a shrink on this. The Seroquel helped with the anger/rage but I blew up like a balloon which made me VERY unhappy and Angry! So, I scratched the Seroquel and started on Geodon, which by the way, I may have to stop because I can't afford it!

What will it be like as I decline? Will I still be me? Who am I now? Who will I become? Will I or my family be able to tolerate me or will I be just a pain in the butt?? A burden?? Is that what I have to look forward to? And what about my family, my daughter, my sister, my cousins and friends???? Will I still have any friends? I lost a lot of them already (including a long relationship of 8 years with a boyfriend).

Losses: They are too numerous to count. Loss of self, job, income, esteem, control, awareness, relationships, and independence just to name a few!

Should I go on? I don't think I will right now. I'm getting angry and tired. I don't know why I'm concerned that I'm tired because I don't sleep much anymore. I am so grumpy!!

I would like to get some good rest. I need it. I feeling scattered and frayed! And, I going to Dallas on Sunday to speak to A Women's Alzheimer's Awareness Educational Group on Monday! I hope I can get my thoughts together. God, please help me. Elena is going with me to help me thru the maze. She's so wonderful!

Goodnight All!

Peace and Hope,
Yes, believe it or not, I still have some hope and I do desperately need some peace! We ALL need them both!


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Today was strange.

Hi. Didn't go to sleep last night or should I say this morning until 3:30am. Just couldn't sleep!
Woke up @ 8am only to realize that Dad was leaving for work and Gloria was arriving. Thank God for wonderful Gloria! My butt was really dragging. Keith was already up (well, he had gone to bed about 11:00pm) drinking coffee and watching TV (of course). Keith doesn't have cable at home so he becomes a TV nut here!

Checked on Mom and gave her morning meds. Gloria was there to see to her other needs (thank goodness). I made my coffee and sat in silence for a few minutes.

Somehow, today felt strange. I can't really explain it but I felt different. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, I don't know. I found the sterling silver dolphin necklace my sister Linda gave me. I love it. I cleaned it and put it on. It made me happy!

I fed my animals and let them out. Checked on Mom briefly. Keith was kinda talking a lot which was grating on my nerves. I had things to do today. I had a dental appointment (cleaning). I had to go purchase Mom a gel pad for her recliner. Both the expensive blow up pads I had bought were leaking. Dad & I tired to repair them (again) but were unsuccessful. Luckily, Mom still has no skin breakdown and I want to keep it that way!

After my dental appointment, Keith and I went to a place called Total Health Solutions. We looked around at gel pads, spoke with a knowledgeable salesman, then looked around some more for some better diapers. Mom's been having sooooo many accidents even with pads inside the diapers, I decided to start shopping again for something better. the saleman gave me 2 samples to try. I, also, purchased a grab handle to put Mom's spoon in as she's been having great difficulty with her tremors.

Then, went to c's pharmacy to pick-up some items for my upcoming trip to Dallas. Called Dad to tell him I was at C's and that I would pick up he and Mom's prescriptions but he said "No" that he would pick them up himself because he needed other things (whatever that means).

Made in home in time to allow Gloria to leave at 3pm. I was excited about the gel pad so I took it out of the box and showed Mom. When she asked how much it cost, she freaked out and became angry! (I had told her the price 2 times earlier already). I tried to calm her down. I got her up, removed the old pillow and replaced it with the gel pad. She still wasn't satisfied. Then, I took out the knee brace I purchased for her at C's and placed it on her knee. She looked and frowned. I reminded her that she had been complaining of knee pain so I bought this to support her knee. She said OK but didn't seem very happy about it.

Dad came home later so I went to bring Keith home to go back to work. White dog took the ride with me. He seemed to have fun!

When I returned from Keith's, I went to check on Mom and Dad. Mom was complaining about the new knee brace hurting so I removed it. Later, I made dinner. Mom was very picky today yet she slept a lot. I'm not sure what was going on with her except she is declining. Dad's still tired and in denial. I don't think Mom walked a step today! Ah, oh well. I'm just trying to do the best I can. It just seemed like everything I did today wasn't right for Mom. Sometimes, it's so hard. I want to please her and make her comfortable but she sometimes makes me soooooooooo angry!! ( I wonder if this new Geodon is working?). This anger still turns rageful at times. I just don't know.

I was planning to talk about End of Life issues tonight but I kinda got off track. I'm tired again so I'll have to discuss that another time.

Thanks for reading and listening. I always enjoy your comments!

Peace and Hope,

"Oh God, Sometimes the Green Mile seems so Long."


I think today is Labor day?

Mom, Dad and I started today with a bang. Mom being incontinent with a decreased level of consciousness. Not a great way to start the day. Anyway, Gave Mom meds and fed her (cleaned he up, of course) and decided to was time for a talk with Mom and the later Dad.

Dad went off to walk in the mall and decrease his stress and get away from Mom. I'm sure it is very difficult emotionally as well as physically fro Dad. After all, they've been married 60 years! But, Dad needed to get away! So, I stayed with Mom.

I had a talk with Mom about end of life issues and what her wishes were. For example: Did she want to just continue to decline and lay in her recliner and become bed bound? Or, would she choose to be more active in her care? In other words, to actively participate by setting realistic goals and the working on them daily. Mom wanted to think about it but I did tell her the evils of being inactive and a couch/chair potato. She is heading towards being bed bound in the not so near future at this rate. I told her to think about how she wanted to spend the latter part of her life. Either laying in a recliner and the bed or deciding to be more active and work thru some of her pain/discomfort. I explained to her that we were ALL here to help if she would give it a good college try! I, also, told her I missed my old Mom and the fact the we used to go out and shop, go to lunch and have fun. I'd love to have that happen again and that I would be here to help her. Mom seemed to want these things too but was not willing to commit to a get well program!

Later, Dad came home after his walk. We discussed Mom and her situation (in front of Mom, of course). Mom had NOT made a decision at that point. I told Dad I would respect Mom's decision what ever that might be. He tended to want to force Mom to be more active and I disagreed. We are awaiting Mom's decision.

I, also, discussed the fact that Mom had told me that she and Dad were considering suicide (together)and that Dad had in fact checked on line as to how to go about it!! Dad was angry at first but then he mellowed some. I asked Dad to please be open and honest about their plans. I told them I would NOT interfere but that the family really needed to know if this was a reality!!!!

Linda and Michael are planning to sell/rent their home in NJ to move here to be with them and me. I told my folks that it would not be fair to Linda and Michael to uproot and then have Mom and Dad carry out their plans especially within a short period of time. I again encourage my folks to attend some AD support groups! They both refused. AAAhhhhhh!

This has been a very tough weekend! I felt needed to have these difficult conversations with my parents because I love them and I am trying to understand.

Somehow they felt we all might be better off without them and that we would inherit some money. This really angered me!!! The money that Dad has made over the years has been put aside to take care of he and Mom. That's what it's there for!!! NOT to leave us an inheritance!!!!! My parents were a bit shocked about how angry I became over the money thing. "That money is for YOU and Mom as that will help us take good care of both of you!!" ( Neither want to be placed in a nursing home). It was NEVER meant for our inheritance!! It's YOUR money!!!!!

Later on, Mom and Dad assured me that the suicide plans they had talked about was a few weeks ago when they were both down and depressed. But that they are feeling better about things now. (I can just hope they are telling me the truth!)

But, believe it or not, I would NOT interfere with their plans if they truly decided that's what they wanted. I believe we all should have a say so in our end of life. My Dad is still of a sound mind capable of making rational decisions. He makes them everyday. He still works 2 jobs and is in pretty good health. My Mom, on the other hand had not been so fortunate with her health. But, she has, also, given up for a few years now and NOT tried to get better other than taking meds! She has some confusion but still does basicly understand what is going on most of the time.

So, here I am. It's been a rather stressful weekend! I picked up Keith today and he's been helping me sort thru things and move some boxes and get rid of some stuff. (Thank goodness).

Aimee has developed a bad cold with flu like symptoms. I told her if she was still feeling really bad tomorrow to go to her doctor to be checked for swine flu!!! She and Eric attended Dragon Con in Atlanta and it was packed with people for all over the world! Many people were ill but didn't stay home!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Linda and Michael having been working all weekend (especially Michael) trying to get ready to move. They are exhausted!! Poor Michael!

Jamey and Derek and their kids and grand kids went to Florida for the holiday weekend.

My good friends Lisa and Rich are doing OK. Rich is recovering from surgery but needed 2 pints of blood today. I keep hoping and praying for a good prognosis! We're all still on pins and needles waiting for those final reports!!

For anyone facing difficult decisions regarding end of life issues, there is a great book called "Hard choices for Loving People." In fact, you may be able to download it on line. Go to the AD website to find out more!

I'm tired now again. I wanted to talk more about end of life issues but I just can't write now. My mind is becoming mush! Being an ex-hospice nurse I have some VERY strong feelings about end of life issues including comfort and death but I'll have to speak about them another time.

Peace and Hope to All,


Saturday, September 5, 2009

Saturdays sometimes suck!

Hi. Well, today kinda sucked. Mom's just declining, being incontinent and loosing her ability to walk. She was rather confused today. I dread the day when Mom becomes bedbound. I don't think that is too far away now. I did walk with her a bit this am but tried this afternoon and she couldn't pick-up her feet and kept trying to walk bent over. She gets so upset with me when I remind her to stand up straight or to walk closer to her walker! I think she is suffering with a combination of problems. I think she is forgetting HOW to walk and is now becoming unable to walk. From what I remember in doing Hospice is that loosing her ability to walk makes her end stage dementia. The doctors now think she has a combination dementia (vascular and AD).

This is very sad and becoming more difficult to deal with. Unfortunately, both Dad and I both have bad backs so Mom's becoming a handful!! Soon, she'll be unable to assist us at all then we will be unable to get her up out of the bed. OMG, I dread that so terribly!! To me, being bedbound is worse than death!!! Because no matter how much good care we'll give her, her skin will break down. Turn every 2 hours, pillows, special mattresses, the works!! I have been working so hard and watching her skin so carefully to keep that from happening!! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Changing the subject. Spoke with Aimee today. She and Eric had a great time at Dragon Con yesterday! They met Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner (They are trekkie fans), Aimee met Malcolm McDowell, and the boy who plays Drako in Harry Potter movies. It was a long, hard but fun day! Eric was volunteering again today!

Spoke with Michael and Linda too. Everything is OK. They are very busy getting things ready to move here in a couple of months! They both seem pretty stressed!

I'm very worried about Alexis. She is having a very hard time because Rusty has thrown her aside for his newest conquest!! He has treated her like a princess up until now. Her heart is broken as is mine for her. (Her Mom is pretty crazy too). I guess Alexis is doomed at 13!! Her Mom refuses to get Alexis any therapy help! AAAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!! And, there's NOTHING I can do to help her!!

I received some very upsetting news on Wednesday. I very good friend of mine (Lisa) called to tell me that her hubby (Rich) was diagnosed with Colon cancer!! We don't know his prognosis yet. He's had the surgery and is recovering. Now, we're just waiting for the results of all the tests and bxs. If you believe in the power of prayer, please pray for them. They are a lovely couple with 2 children (15 and 17). My heart aches for them. I love them and their children very much. They've been very good to me and my entire family. I know how hard it is to wait for results.
My husband died of cancer in 1982!!!

Changing the subject again, I am dieting again. Since I'm off the Seroquel and now taking Geodon, I seem to have more control over my eating. Wish me luck! I'm so unhappy being a P-I-G (Hog)! As I've said before, I've gained 30 pounds in 2 years. It's awful! And, I'm soooo unhappy being fat!! I am trying very hard to be successful. I've even ordered an adult tricycle to be more active!!

Something nice did happen today. I called my friend Kendal and asked her to go shopping with me. I needed to buy a dress for the Dallas trip. (Too fat to fit in any of my old dresses). She and I did have a good time shopping.

I'm finding it more difficult to shop now. I get confused and overwhelmed in the stores. Kendal was an angel!

Oh, I took a fall today in my living room. I tripped over the computer cord!! (what a klutz). Hit the ground, Hit my knee, arm and twisted my back. (At least I didn't hit my head this time) lol. I'm very sore now. I'm sure tomorrow will be worse!

Thanks for listening and being there. I have more to write but I'm getting too tired now. I've been thinking about end of life and death issues. I'll try to get my thought together and write about them soon.

Peace and Hope,


Friday, September 4, 2009

It's already Friday again!

Hi to All. Sorry I haven't posted in a while but a lot has been going on.

Dad continues to do well post op. (although he really doesn't follow all the doctor's orders). Mom continues her slow decline with little ambulation and been a lounge chair potato. Her incontinence is still getting worse. And now. her kidney functions are declining!

I had a rough few days. With Mom and Dad being difficult, working on the apartment, and trying to get Mom's doctor's appointments. Her labs were done but not completely and have not been faxed to all the appropriate doctors. Ahhhhhhhhh! Calgon, take me away! lol.

Both white dog and orange cat are doing fine. They are both in with me write now as I type on this blog!

I had serious words/screaming from and with my ex for a couple of days. That always makes life so much more pleasant. lol.

I will be doing next weekend to Dallas with Elena to speak at an A.W.A.R.E group. I, also, may do some tv and radio.

The AD message Boards seems to have calmed down a bit. Perhaps it's the holiday weekend??

I keep hanging on. I hope y'all do to.

I'm really tired and need to go to bed now.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A New Month has started.

Hi. Dad's post-op check-up early this am went well. The doctor was pleased and Dad's eye pressure was normal! Good, so far. The doc told Dad to take it easy for the next few days and not to drive, bend or lift! He started his post-op eye drops. They need to be given 4 x a day! Got Dad home (of course, we had to stop at the post office first). He did take a short nap and then went to the office! Ahhh!

Gloria came to be with Mom today so it gave me a little free time. Keith and I worked on the upstairs apartment again. It's pretty much ready for the floors to be laid! Yes!

Later, I did some shopping. Got Mom some incontinent supplies (getting harder to keep up with the demand). In fact, Mom is having more and more accidents! She says he doesn't get the urge until it's too late. We went thru 3 pj bottoms and 2 robes after her bath. Ahhhh!!

Fed Mom and Dad dinner. Cleaned up the dishes and stuff. Oh my gosh, I put clothes in the washer earlier that I have forgotten!

Gotta run and take care of some things. Just put Mom and Dad to bed!

Sleep well All.


Monday, August 31, 2009

The Last day in August

Hi. Dad did well with his cataract surgery! Yes! He actually took a nap after I got him home. Gloria stayed with Mom so everything worked out OK. I fed Mom & Dad lunch and dinner. Cleaned up kitchen. Put out trash! (Keith helped). Whew. Fed Keith and I and the white dog. Simon hasn't come home yet. I'm tired.

I picked up Keith today. He and I worked on the upstairs apartment. God, We worked a few hours and still there's a lot of stuff up there. We packed up Mom's depression glass (she can't bear to part with it). Put more stuff in an already stuffed attic. Have to try to get everything off the floors to be able to get the new floors laid!

Dad's gone to bed. He's tired. Mom doesn't want to go to bed yet. Yikes, she drives me bonkers sometimes!

Keith's watching Monday night football loudly! (he's getting deaf too) Ahhh, I'm over-stimulated! Too much noise and commotion today!!! My nerves are frazzled!!
Mom's tv is soooooooo loud that it's competing with the TV here! I'm going looney woo woo!! (family joke).

Well, I can't take my meds until I put Mom to bed so I'll just have to deal with all this noise! God, help me!!! I just had to ask Keith to turn down the tv. I just can't take it! Sometimes, I feel guilty because Keith helps me a lot and he doesn't have cable at his house. I would tell him to go watch tv in the bedroom that he sleeps in when he's here but there's no tv in there! And, I don't want him in my bedroom (I can be such a witch sometimes, huh?)

I'm just a little stressed and I'd like to take my meds and go to bed but I can't!

I'm sorry to be so witchy!

I'll change the subject. I ordered a book from the library called "Who moved MY Cheese?" by Spencer Johnson, M.D. I got through a few pages but I have soooo much trouble reading. It's really terrible not being able to read!! I wish Aimee or Linda were here to read to me. (This book did not come on tape or CD) I thought almost all books did but they don't!! It's a real drag when they don't! Anyway, this book is supposed to help people adapt to change. I hope it can help me adapt to all my changes!

I was doing my Peer Volunteer work on the AD Message Boards earlier and someone started a thread called "Does anyone with AD ever adapt?" Interesting, I think my EOAD requires me to adapt almost every day sometimes every hour in some form or another. I don't think one can just adapt and then that's it. EOAD/YOAD is a monster that requires constant attention. IT feeds on constant attention. It forces its captors to forget many things in order to give IT the attention it requires!! When someone tries NOT to give IT the attention is desires, IT robs its captor of everyday things, memories, and even thinking! IT'S an all consuming MONSTER!!

Wow, I was getting kinda heavy there! My roller coaster is going faster and faster, twisting and turning. It even jumps the track sometimes trying to get me to let go or fall off! Thank goodness I seem to have a good grip so far. My meds help. And, my family helps by holding me in my seat sometimes. Those extra hands are really necessary sometimes!! I so blessed to have a warm, loving family!!

Wow, I'm so tired and Mom's wide awake.

I gotta go now.

"Sometimes Dead is better."

Hurry home, Linda!


Sunday, August 30, 2009

Starting a New week.

Yes, today is Sunday. The beginning of a brand new week.

What did I do today? Not much. I visited and sat with Mom this am so Dad could go walk in the mall. I fixed her breakfast. Put her on the bsc. I did some laundry. Spoke with my sister & BIL as well as my daughter. Aimee is just so funny and clever! She makes me laugh. I miss her.

Had a lovely visit from my other daughter Alexis. A brief, but wonderful visit. I hadn't seen her for a few weeks and I was lonesome for her. It was good to see and hug her. We laughed and chit-chatted! She's turning into a lovely young girl (she's 13). I wish her Dad (my ex) wasn't such a creep. He's always treated Alexis as #1 and his little princess. Now, with this new woman he's with, he's not giving Alexis any attention! Her heart is broken! He's sucking up to this new Meal Ticket instead of making his daughter feel special. What a LOUSE!!! My heart aches for Alexis! He's such a Gigolo!!

I watched one of my favorite movies on TCM tonight called "You can't take it with you!" It's a wonderful screwball comedy with a great cast. I really enjoyed it. If you get a chance, please rent or see it. It's marvelous!

Well, I'm tired, as usual. I have to take Dad early in the morning to have his cataract surgery on his other eye. Gloria is due to come and stay with Mom. Wish us luck! And, prayers too please!

Peace and Hope,


Saturday, August 29, 2009

"Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody!"

Hi. Yes it's Saturday night. I'm home alone. Well, not exactly alone, this white dog is sleeping next to me as I write this blog. Orange cat is outside catting around! lol.

Had a really great visit with my Country Cousins today! Denise, Miranda and Meaghan came bearing gifts of wonderful foods! How lucky I am to have such great, thoughtful cousins! I have to add that my cousin Phil sent food but couldn't make the journey. We missed him.

We had a wonderful visit. Ate, laughed, talked, looked at old pictures, took some new pictures, had a blast. Mom and Dad really seemed to enjoy the company. It was good to see them and to share stories and memories!

Later, when they had gone, Dad and I watched the Saints Football game. Then I fed Mom and Dad and went home. I was soooo tired. I fed my animals and myself then sat down to watch an old movie on TCM "Lolita." I had forgotten how long that movie was. It was good!

Later, I went on line to do some Peer Volunteer Work. Now, here I am.

Tired, as usual.

I did talk with Aimee and Linda today. Aimee was fine but Linda had a belly ache. I'll have to call and check on her in the am. She's a very brittle diabetic so I worry a little when she gets sick. Although, Michael takes good care of her.

Well, goodnight ALL.

Thanks for coming and reading and caring. It really means a lot to me.


Friday, August 28, 2009


I made it. It's Friday!

Went to court yesterday re: lawsuit against my ex. I won the first round. The judge threw out all this "Exceptions." Rusty tried to say that WE took the loan together! Ha! What a liar! It was a loan for him to go to Trucking school. Anyway, the judge said that if I had any kind of a witness that this was Rusty's loan and that the said he would pay it and me back, that I could prove my case. I do have a couple of witnesses, so we go back to court on Sept. 29th! I'll bring my witnesses. I think next time Rusty will bring an attorney.

Jamey and Derek came in yesterday. Derek flew to Houston to pickup a car for his Mom and drove back late last night. Jamey and I visited yesterday pm and this am. They will be leaving to go home soon.

Aimee called. She's doing OK. Eric's home today so they will run errands and get things done. Spoke with Michael. He's OK and Linda had gone to the doctors for a check-up.

Mom and Dad are doing ok. No more falls for Mom (thank goodness). She had blood work done today. Dad is having cataract surgery Monday AM. Gloria will come to be with Mom and I'll take Dad.

My Comeaux cousins are coming in tomorrow. I'm excited to see them.

Went to the shrink on Wednesday. It was my first visit. He was ok. We talked about my weight gain and anger. He said Seroquel was known for weight gain, so he switched me to Geodon. I stopped the Seroquel and started that last night. I sure hope it works for the anger/rage as well as decreasing my appetite.

That's all the news for now. I'm very tired from yesterday. Court seemed to wear me out more than I realized!

Peace and Hope.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Wow, It's Wednesday!

Hi. The last few days have been rather hectic. Recovering from the garage sale, getting ready for court tomorrow and helping Dad get rid of old books.

Oh, I went to this new shrink today, Dr. Sidney Smith. He was OK. Not much personality but what did I expect from a shrink?? I told him why I was there Anger/Rage and being Fat! We discussed that I had EOAD, my meds and my life (briefly). Hard to get all that in 45 minutes. Anyway, he asked which problem did I consider number 1?? I said I equally hated the anger and the fat! He did say that Seroquel was known for weight gain. He said that there was another drug in that class to help me with the anger but didn't have the weight gain called Geodon. I said I'd try it. Soooo, he gave me a few samples and a prescription to fill. He said I don't have to wean off anything just stop the Seroquel and start the Geodon. That's what I will do! Wish me luck!!

Mom is still in decline and Dad is trying to cope by keeping busy. A couple of days ago Dad came and got me early one morning as Mom had fallen again next to the bed and was on the floor. Together we were able to get her safely back in bed. Of course, there was urine everywhere but at least she wasn't hurt (her guardian angel must work overtime).

A received a call from Denise, one of my Country Cousins, asking if she and a couple of other cousins could come to visit this Saturday. They had cooked Mom & Dad some goodies and wanted to come and bring them. "Of course, I said. We'd be delighted!" Mom and Dad will be happy for the company. (I'm very excited too!)

My cousin Jamey and her hubby Derek are coming in tonight to stay. Derek will be flying to Houston tomorrow to pick up a car for his Mom and drive it back here. Jamey will stay with me. Then, When Derek returns, they will spend another night here and drive back to Mississippi. I'm excited to see them!

Tomorrow is court day! I have filed a law suit against my ex (Rusty) for not paying his student loan and me having to pay it. It is small claims court in front of a Justice of the Peace. I have a feeling Rusty will bring an attorney. I'll bring me. (I don't have the money for an attorney). I have written some thoughts down. I hope the judge will let me read them. According to Rusty, he's unemployed (again). It will be interesting because if he's unemployed how can he afford an attorney? Well, his new Sugar Mama has been paying for everything so I guess she'll pay for this too!!!!!

I needs prayers and lots of them! Thanks for listening and caring.

Peace and Hope,


Sunday, August 23, 2009

I survived!

Hello to All. Yes, I survived the garage sale! I'm sore and achy but alive. I realized some things during this adventure. I cannot handle money like I thought I could. Thank goodness for Keith. He was a God send! I'm not as social as I used to be and I don't seem to like people as much anymore.

These things make me a little sad. I used to be a very social person, always doing things, having lots of friends. It's very different now. I have very few friends now. And, I don't seem to fit it many places and situations any more. Boy, life sure has changed for me. Having EOAD/YOAD really sucks!

I received a response from the court from my ex about the lawsuit. He's still trying to get out of paying me for that loan. The creep!! My SIL Terry is supposed to come by today and look at the response to see if I need to do anything further. I, also, e-mailed my friend Gair (an attorney) and faxed him the new paperwork but haven't heard from him yet. Court is this Thursday @ 11:30am !!

Mom got her hair cut short Friday and she looks cute! Poor Dad seems to be slowing down more and more and seems to be suffering with some disgust and depression.

White dog and orange cat are fine. In fact, white dog was snoring so loudly this morning (he was next to me in bed) that he woke me up!! It was 5:00am !! lol. Of course, I couldn't go back to sleep. I'm hoping to take a nap later today.

Spoke with Linda and Michael this morning. There still busy bees trying to get their house packed up to move in October! I hope they don't wear themselves out!

Aimee & Eric were doing fine yesterday when I spoke with them. They're still working on Eric's office.

Well, that's about all the news for now.

Hope y'all have a good day!


Friday, August 21, 2009

It's Friday before the storm

Hi. It's Friday night already. The calm before the storm. The storm being my garage sale tomorrow morning. Wow, I've been working really hard (my back is killing me)! Keith and I picked up the tables yesterday. I've been pulling out and sorting things until I can't see straight anymore.

The Alzheimer's Assn of Greater New Orleans had their Memory Walk kick off party this evening from 5 - 8pm. I went and volunteered. It was nice. (Our Memory Walk is on Sat. Oct. 3rd.) There was a fair amount of people there. I wish there were more. We can't seem to get the word out about how devastating Alzheimer's disease is and how it will bankrupt Medicare within the next 10 years or so. Just treating Alzheimer's disease alone will bankrupt Medicare! That doesn't count all the other diseases and illnesses! That doesn't seem to frighten many people but it sure scares the hell out of me!!

It was harder to be social tonight. I would have preferred to just sit and be alone. But, when you volunteer, you need to help. So I did.

Mom was kind of a mess today. She woke up late, weak and confused. She had several incontinent episodes including one a few minutes b4 I came home from the AD party. Dad looked so upset and tired that I went ahead and cleaned Mom up and changed her. That was the third time today and Gloria was here this am!

I spoke with a guy tonight who is a producer at one of the TV stations here. I requested that he do some Alzheimer Ads without people with gray hair! I'm so tired of ALL the AD commercials showing only much older people! I asked him, "What about us, people like me?" " Why don't we get any representation??? The public needs to know about US too!!!" He said he'd check into it. (What else could he say)?

I kinda feel like Taxation without Representation!! WHAT ABOUT ALL OF US (about 600,000) WITH EARLY/YOUNG ONSET ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE????? I guess I need to get off my soapbox now. I'm just tired. As usual.

I'm waiting for Keith. He's going to spend the night here so we can get up bright and early and set up this garage sale.

Wish me Luck!!

Peace, Hope and Good Sleep,


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wow, It's Wednesday already!

Hi to All. I don't know where the time has gone. I am having a garage sale this Saturday and it's been a little crazy getting ready! Renting tables, sorting things, organizing stuff, getting boxes, signs, permits. I'm sure I'm forgetting somethings but, oh well. Thank goodness for my friend Keith who has been helping me on his time off!

I have increased my Seroquel and it seems to be helping with my anger. I am taking 50mg XR in the am and 75mg regular in the pm. I feel a little better. Not quite so rageful although Keith says I still pretty irritable! lol.

White dog and orange cat are fine although they take up a lot of room in my king sized bed!! I was thinking about down-sizing to a queen bed when I move upstairs but I decided not to. The animals would take over my bed! lol.

Mom seems to be the same. Perhaps declining just a little. Since Gloria comes more often it's less stress on me which is what I really needed!! I still see and spend time with Mom daily but I don't have all the care! Mom seems to do well with Gloria so it's a real blessing!

Dad went to the doctor today to get his clearance for his other cataract surgery. Everything went well. His surgery is scheduled in a couple of weeks. Good.

Aimee is still dieting and exercising (and not real happy about it). Linda and Michael are still trying to get their house ready to put on the market. Jamey is OK but her grown children are still having relationship issues. It's very sad!

I've been trying to read this book called "Alzheimer's from the Inside out" by Richard Taylor. It's so difficult for me to read. It's a pretty good book but it's taking me forever to read it. Richard suffers with EOAD too. It's from his perspective. (No, the book is not on tape or CD).

I saw my migraine neurologist yest. She agreed with me that my migraines seem to be
under control with my change in meds. Funny, I had a migraine 2 days ago and again today but hadn't had many in a while. I wonder if it's the stress of the garage sale???

My life is still very lonely. Oh, I try to stay busy but..........Oh well, you know how it is to be alone! (It would be nice to have someone to hug me and hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok ). It sucks sometimes yet it's better than being with the wrong person.

I still love my Peer Volunteer work and I am active with the AD Assn. I'm trying to diet but it's tough. I still seem to be searching for something that really tastes good and hits the spot (no such luck lately).

I wonder how long I will be able to be on my own. It frightens me to think I will become dependent! My visual/spatial thing is getting worse. I am having problems with stairs. Sometimes, when driving I have problems distinguishing distance between cars and turns and stuff.

Well, I'm tired. I'm not sure why because I took a 3 hour nap today. lol.

Peace and Hope. Sleep well.