Friday, July 31, 2009

I'm Glad it's Friday

Woke up around 7:15am. Julie and Barbara were still sleeping. Let animals out and fed them. Did Am ADLS. Went to check on Mom.

Dad was having breakfast at the breakfast bar. He said Mom had a bad night but was sleeping now. (Several Incontinent accidents he said). Suddenly, Mom's bell started ringing and I went in her bedroom. She was hanging off the bed (no bottoms on), urine was everywhere! Was unable to lift her so I helped her down to the floor. Called Dad and he & I got Mom back on the bed. Poor Mom, she was a mess! Finally got her cleaned up and changed and wheeled her to her recliner. Dad got her coke and water. I got her am meds. Went back to clean everything up, wash sheets, scrub carpet and dust ruffle on bed. Later, I smelled something foul in Mom's foyer and Josey (their cat) had pooped in there. Cleaned and scrubbed the foyer. Washed the sheets and changed the pads on the bed. Whew!! What a way to start the day!

Went home to make myself some coffee. Found white dog had urinated on MY carpet!! Ahhhhhh! What's going on???!!! Cleaned and scrubbed MY carpet the went back to be with Mom. She had another urinary accident!! Cleaned her up again. Julie and Barbara woke up and went to breakfast. Finally, Gloria arrived. Sweet Gloria, she had brought Mom McD's egg & sausage wrap for breakfast!! Mom was excited. That's what she felt like eating today. Good! Gave Gloria an update and went home.

I called Linda. She was going to have tests done today plus the painters were there again ready to paint her living room and dining room and finish the kitchen. Then, Keith called to just say hi. Julie and Barbara returned to pack up and say goodbye. The left for Texas!!

I had laundry to do. Sheets, towels, clothes. Gloria left @ noon. She wasn;t gone 15 minutes when Mom had another accident!! Poor Mom, I had to clean her up all over again!! Did some Peer Volunteer work. I was tired. I am still tired but not sleepy.

I don't know if I told y'all this but I finally made an appointment to see a shrink. My sister Linda thought it would be a good idea to help me deal with the anger and losses. Guess what?? Lenny, my pcp, found a shrink on my insurance plan. I called to make an appointment and the first thing I was told was that I had to give them a credit card and the info. so that if I didn't show for the appointment or cancel at least 24 hours prior to the appointment, they would charge my credit card $250.00!!! Wow, how medicine sure has changed!! I was shocked!! I said, well, don't you even want to know what insurance I have? The woman said yes later! She gave he an appointment in about a month and took my credit card information and then my insurance stuff. Healthcare is America!!! Ahhhhhh! It sucks!

Spoke with Aimee. She and Eric were going to run errands today and grocery. It was Eric's flex day off!

Well, I'm tired as usual..... I'm gonna take my night time meds now. Hopefully, I'll get some good sleep!

Sleep tight All! "Sometimes dead is better!"


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A tired Wednesday

I was tired all day today. I don't know what that's all about.

Woke up today and Julie and Barbara had already gotten Mom up and in chair with coke and H20. They had closed my bedroom door so I didn't hear a thing!

I fed Mom breakfast and gave her AM meds. Mom was tired today too. She had several incontinent accidents. It was a long day!

It seemed like I never really fully woke-up today! It was a strange day.

At about 2pm Mom wanted to go back to bed for a while. Put her back to bed with her TV on and her bell @ her bedside. It took everything I had not to fall asleep myself. Got Mom up again around 4 ish. Changed her, wheeler her back to her throne and gave her some strawberry drink.

Dad, Julie and Barbara came home around 4:30pm. I had taken out some cooked crawfish etoufee to feed Mom and Dad for dinner.

Fed Mom and Dad. Fed my animals. Took Winston for a walk. Did some Peer Volunteer work. Julie and Barbara went to meet friends for dinner.

I'm still tired. I will take my meds and go to sleep. Today was been a weird, tired day!

Peace and Hope to All,


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Tuesday night

I don't know what or where I went wrong today. I woke up angry and it lasted until now. In fact, I'm still a little angry!

Woke up this am. Dad had forgotten to open the door between the apartments (again). So, I jumped out of bed to open the door and check on Mom! Luckily, Mom was OK. So, I rushed to brush my teeth and do AM adls. Then, I remembered I forgot to unlock the back door for Gloria. Ran and did that. Made coffee. Keith was up already. He had gone upstairs to straighten up. Then, Gloria arrived! Shortly after that, Mom woke up. Reminded Mom and Gloria of MRI appt today @ 11:00am. Gave Mom her AM meds.

Went back home. Took care of white dog and orange cat. Then, Julie called saying she and Barbara were only about 10 minutes away. (Wow, I forgot Julie and Barbara were driving in from Texas today). Drank my coffee and waited for them to arrive. Julie always arrives bearing baked goodies and lots of crap! lol. Went to take my bath/shower to get ready to take Mom.

I woke up a little confused today as I didn't go to bed until after 2 am. That's the way it is sometimes. Some nights I can go to be normally and get some sleep others are not so good. Last night was one of those nights! I wake up feeling grump and angry like Scrooge "Bah, humbug!"

I really hate waking up feeling that way. Every little thing annoys me! The demon seems to grow inside me as the day wears on. This demon can become big and bad!!

Gloria and I got Mom in the car and off to EJGH we went. Gloria was able to get Mom out of the car and into the facility. I went to park the car. Came in. Signed Mom in. Then, it started...... the paperwork! AAhhhh!!!! It is absolutely ridiculous how much paperwork goes along with having one test! Filling out all the paperwork took me 30 minutes! Then, I was told it wouldn't be long. Well, we waited and waited. Mom was very uncomfortable and complaining. I asked "how much longer?" (we had already waited an hour), I was told "15 more minutes." Mom was tired and very impatient. We waited about a half hour more then the tech finally took Mom. The test only took about 20 minutes.

On the way home, I went thru the drivethrough @ Wendys as Mom loves burgers. Placed the order, lots of rather goofy, unmannered girls took the order and gave us our food. Mom was hungry (good, she loves burgers). Arrived home right before a thunderstorm only to find out the Wendys had screwed up the order and I had to go back!!!!! AAAAhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Gave Mom, Gloria and Keith their food and drove back to Wendys in the rain! Now, I was not a happy camper by this time. Parked the car and went in to see the manager. Asked to speak with the manager. This young girl said she was the manager (which I doubted) but told her the problems with the order and showed her my receipt. She looked confused and flustered! But, not once did she say "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry we made these mistakes." She proceeded to try to understand what the problems were stating "Oh yes, she remembered the order and had filled it herself!" More commotion occurred until an older woman comes to the counter and I see SHE is the manager. I again have to repeat my story (and she doesn't get it either). But again, not once did she apologize for the problems!!! Ok, I'll cut to the chase, she finally fixed me a new order but even then she didn't say she was sorry. I told her "Ya know, if I was the manager here, the first thing I would have done was apologize to the customer!" She said "Well, I did that" and I replied "Oh no ma'am, no one has apologized to me!" Then, I left. At that point the heavens had opened and I got drenched!

Finally arrived home. Checked on Mom and she and Gloria were fine. At that point I was starving! Ate my burger and tried to chill out a bit. Keith and I went upstairs because he wanted to show me what he had done. He had organized things and cleaned it up. It looked good. Then Julie and Barbara returned from lunch and errand running. (Now,I'm still angry from this morning and from the Wendy's episode). Lots of commotion going on! I decided to bring Keith home.

Winston and I took Keith home. Lots of terrible traffic (including a bad accident not mine) and finally I returned home. Julie was sleeping on the love seat. I opened the door between the apartments and it looked like Dad, Barbara and Mom were asleep. So, I decided to lay down on my sofa. Then, of course, my phone starts ringing and ringing. I decided not to answer and fell asleep. The phone began ringing again. Then, Julie's cell phone started ringing! We blew that off but a while later more calls so I just got up! AAhhhhh! I just needed a nap!

Julie and Barbara were up getting ready to go out to dinner. I passed on that. Went to check on Mom and Dad and they had already eaten. Thank God!!!
I fed my animals ate ate a bowl of cereal. Later, Julie and Barbara came back from dinner and we talked a while. I know they are used to watching TV but I just couldn't handle it right then. Later, they watched a little TV and I tried to do some Peer Volunteer work which I couldn't do much of. I couldn't handle the noise of the television!

Well, to make a long story longer, here I am. Everyone has gone to bed. I am finally winding down (even though I was tired, so go figure?). I think I am finally ready to go to bed. What a day!!!

Thanks for listening.


Monday, July 27, 2009

Oh no, it's Monday!

OMG I overslept today! Apparently Dad got Mom up, gave her coke & water and went to the post office. I didn't hear a thing!

A little before 9:00am I heard Mom's doorbell ring! I jumped out of bed and rand down the hall only to realize I did have anything on so I called to Mom that I heard the doorbell and that I was coming and thru a nightgown on and raced to answer the door! Luckily, it was Gloria. Oh, I forgot it was Monday. Gloria comes from 9 - 12 noon. Oh thank goodness, because I was a confused wreck!!

I couldn't believe I slept soooo late. I didn't go to bed late. I don't know what happened?? I slept a lot this weekend too. I guess I'm just getting old!! lol.

Went back home. Did am ADLS. Checked on Mom. Gave her AM meds then let Gloria take over! Made some coffee. Aimee called and checked in. I called Linda then Jamey called. Everyone is OK!!

Then, I had to get ready to pick up Keith. He's coming to help me work on the upstairs apartment! Picked up Keith. We had to go to pick up some supplies, then the heavens opened. We waited a while. Then had to get back as Dad was staying with Mom (lunchtime) while I picked up Keith.

Keith and I came back to the house. We worked with Dad a while in the storage area under the stairs. Got it cleaned out and ready. Then, Keith & I went in my 2nd bedroom to clean out that closet. After that, we headed upstairs to clean out a large closet up there to eventually make room for my stuff! Keith moved stuff from the upstair's closet to my closet as there were some things Linda wanted. Now, we have stuff everywhere! I called Judy (Mom's maid) and left a message to see if she wants any of this stuff before we give it to charity. Checked on Mom several times. Fed her lunch. Asked if she needed to use the BSC. She said "no."

A little while later Mom rang her bell and I went over to see about he but she had already had an incontinent accident. Sooooooooooo, cleaned Mom up. Changed her into her pj's and robe, and started the laundry.

Dad fed he and Mom and Keith and I ate burgers. Fed my animals and took Winston for his walk. Later, did some Peer Volunteer work on the AD Message Boards.

OMG, I just realized I forgot about Mom's laundry from earlier! I gotta run! Gotta see if I can save the laundry I did earlier.

Peace and Hope to All.


Sunday, July 26, 2009

Atypical Sunday?

I was trying to remember what a typical Sunday was like. I really don't remember. Most Sunday's now are the same. Getting up, taking care of Mom and the animals, doing laundry and nap taking. Some how on Sundays I seem to need a nap. Why, I don't know. I slept pretty well last night. Perhaps it's just the end of the week? I know Sunday is considered the first day of the week but I tend to see it as the last.

Did go to the AD Rock-n-Bowl Friday pm and had a good time. Most of my friends backed out at the last minute but a couple still showed. Unfortunately, it was pretty loud and I forgot my earplugs. I had to make several trips outside to calm myself. Of course, I had a few beers and that helped! lol!

Going out Friday seemed to help my attitude. I don't feel quite as stressed! Yes, I still take care of Mom but it is easier on the weekends because Dad is around more. That seems to help. Poor Dad, he getting very tired. He's aging fairly quickly now. Sleeping later and later. He & I plan to go upstairs (the apartment and go through some stuff). I need to start purging the upstairs. It filled with old junk!

I am hoping Keith can come tomorrow and help me work upstairs. Oh, today is my sister Linda's birthday. She is 59 today! Happy Birthday, Lin, I Love You! Boy, are we getting old!! lol.


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Thursday's child had far to go!

Well, got up around 7:15am (Didn't go to bed until midnight). Dad was already gone (went to work) and Mom was awake. Helped her to bathroom to do ADLs. She was weak today. Wheeled her to her throne. Got her Coke and H20 and gave her AM meds. She looks pale and tired today. She has an appointment with her PCP this afternoon. Dad will take her because I have an EOAD support group meeting today. Also, I can't stand Mom's PCP. He's a jerk!

Made myself some cafe au lait and fed my animals. Then, visited with Mom. Made her some pancakes and syrup for breakfast. She snarffed them down! Good! I like to see her enjoy some food! She, of course, had an episode of urinary incontinence. After getting her cleaned and changed Gloria arrived! Gloria is my savior some days! I was already tired and the day had just begun! Updated Gloria then went home. Aimee called. Then I spoke with Linda. Then, it was time to bath/shower and get ready for my meeting.

Left home and took the usual route to the AD Assn. Unfortunately, the main road (causeway) was blocked off. I had to pull over. I couldn't figure out how to get to the AD Assn. I had forgotten my GPS at home. Luckily, I had Elena's phone number in my purse, called her and she gave me step by step directions to the meeting. I was late but made it!! (Slightly stressed).

Had a good, long meeting. Only 5 people showed but it was enjoyable! Was able to vent some of my frustrations. I still suffer with a low grade anger. It may be time to increase my Seroquel??? I'm going to give it a few more days.

Called my PCP. Asked for a referral to a psychiatrist. I can't seem to get rid of this frustration and anger. Perhaps a shrink who works with AD/dementia patients can help me??? I need some help. I hate living with this anger! It's so "not me!"
But, I guess it is me NOW! Wow, that really sucks to think that that's the way I am now! I really dislike angry people and now I'm one of them!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Fed Mom and Dad dinner. Fed my animals then myself. Nothing good on the tube. Did some Peer Volunteer work. Walked Winston. Now, here I am. Tired as usual but NOT sleepy. I took a diet pill this am. I hate being fat. I've gotta start taking some of this weight off.

Tomorrow night is Rock-n-Bowl with the AD Assn! It's a fundraiser! I'm looking forward to it. Good, Something to look forward to. Although most of my friends that said they were going have cancelled at the last minute. Isn't that always the way it goes. You really can't depend on anyone!! And that really sucks!!!

Sleep Well.

"Sometimes dead is better," S. King


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I'm depressed and angry!

Sometimes, I hate my life! It is difficult, sometimes boring, tedious, and not my own!
I watch my Mom turn into a nothing and I think to myself, "That's going to be me some day!" Oh no, is this all life has to offer??

Got Mom up today. Dad had gone to work early. She had her AM meds, coke and water. Had to add some Potassium pills as per her PCP. She had lab work done on Friday and her potassium was obviously low. Gave her breakfast.

Had a Peer Volunteer meeting today which I did enjoy. Spoke with Linda, Aimee and Jamey. That was nice but is that all there is? I'm stuck in the house with Mom. Can't plan anything or be spontaneous about anything. I guess it is what it is. But, what if what it is sucks??? Then, what?? I don't know how to fix it!

To add to this mess, I had called my ex and left a message (he owes us some money) yeah, I know, I was stupid to lend him any money, anyway, he called back ranting and cursing and saying he was unemployed. He's only unemployed because he a gigolo!!! I found that out too late! Boy, that makes me sooooooo mad! I told him I'd see him in court!

Back to my life, what life?? Yes, I enjoy when Aimee and Linda and Jamey come to visit (and there spouses) but is that all I have to look forward to???
Plus, I'm fat. I hate being fat but I don't seem to have any control over that either!

I had put Mom in bed earlier to take a nap. Got her up. Fed her lunch and gave her afternoon meds. She did ok.

Yes, I do love my white dog and orange cat but it's not enough! I do some volunteer work with the AD Assn. but that's not enough either!!

Can anyone give me some perspective??


Monday, July 20, 2009

Monday Blues

The rest of the weekend was good but hectic. Aimee & Eric had lots going on but still managed to spend some time with me and their grandparents. Mom did ok. She seemed to enjoy having them here. Dad was beaming! It was grand for all!

Now, it's Monday, the kids left and headed for home. I told myself that I wouldn't cry but.....................oh well, no ones perfect! As soon as I lost sight of Aimee's face I burst into tears! And more tears and even some sobs but eventually I re-gained my composure. Washed my face and swollen eyes, brushed my teeth and went to check on Mom and Gloria. Such is Life! My darling daughter and wonderful SIL and beautiful granddog live in another state. It is what it is! Life goes on!

I do have the blues. I picked up my friend Keith to help me work on the upstairs apartment. After about 1 hour, I was done, spent, emotionally and physically done! I missed my baby and nothing is gonna make that feeling go away right away!

Mom did ok today. She did get up by herself this morning, though, because Dad forgot to open the door between the apartments! She apparently walked with her transport chair and opened the door and called for me. Luckily, Aimee was there and was able to help her. Thank goodness she was OK. Later, Gloria came to help out.

Dinner was easy tonight. Dad wanted a fried oyster po-boy, Mom on the other hand wanted a fried shrimp po-boy. Went and picked them up and that was dinner! Good and easy but not too nutritious! Oh well, we can't have everything!

I'm tired as usual. Goodnight to All. Thanks so much for reading and sharing and caring.
Peace and Hope,

Friday, July 17, 2009

Had a AA Day!

Aimee & Eric arrived safely yesterday evening! Yea!! I cooked crawfish boudoin for dinner. Everyone was happy especially Aimee. Then, we watched pictures from their trip to San Francisco and some older videos! It was great fun. Poor Mom had a bad day with incontinent accidents. Even Aimee couldn't believe how often they were happening. Dad was bobbing his head during the videos! Aims and I stayed up a bit later to chat! It was fun and so good to see my baby!

Got up around 7:30am today to check on Mom. Dad had had a rough night with her (incontinent accidents). Got her up, did AM ADLS, gave her am meds with success. Coke and water at her chair side. Aimee & I went to visit with Mom and Eric went to shower. Dad went to walk and go to the post office then later to work. We had a busy day planned. Aimee & I were going to lunch to eat sushi (Eric hates sushi) then we were going to pick up Alexis and go see the new Harry Potter movie! Eric was meeting his Dad and then they were picking up Eric's 4 nieces and nephews to go to the aquarium.

Gloria came at 9:00am. Thank God for Gloria. Aimee went to shower and get ready. Later, I did the same. I did do some Peer Volunteer work while Aimee was showering!
Aimee & I had a great time at lunch. Ate and talked and laughed! Then, we picked up Alexis (my other daughter, well, not really my daughter, she's my ex's daughter but I still love her like she was mine). Wow, the THREE of US together, it was great!! We had popcorn, drinks and candy!!! The movie was fantastic but long about 2 1/2 hours. We dropped off Alexis (she had plans to go to a party) and Aims & I came hope to our animals. Aimee has "Turtle" a cute, black, male affenpinscher. Of course, I have my two.

Got home, checked on Mom and Dad then took care of the animals. Let them out. Fed them dinner. Dad had bought he & Mom fish for dinner so all he had to do was heat it up! Aimee & Eric went to meet friends for dinner and I stayed home to baby sit the animals. I ate cereal & toast. Ahh, It's nice and quiet now. I need my down time. But what a great day! Took my pm meds. Plan to just chill now.

Thanks for reading and caring. Thanks God for a great day!!

Peace and Hope,

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Aimee is coming tomorrow!

I can't wait! My daughter Aimee and my SIL Eric are coming tomorrow. Also, they are bringing my granddog Turtle. I'm very excited!

Woke up today and Mom was still sleeping. Did AM ADLS. Checked on Mom several times but she was still sleeping. Dad was out walking in the mall, going to the post office and later I found out he went to the discount pharmacy.

White dog went out and ate breakfast. Orange cat came in and ate his breakfast too. Made cafe au lait. Called groomer and set up to bring Winston in as soon as Dad returned.

When Dad returned home he told me that Mom had had 2 incontinent episodes last night and this am. As we were talking she had another. Later, another!! Ahhhhhh! Poor Mom, but I am so tired!! No help today. I'm on my own.

Brought Winston to groomer. Unfortunately, I can't groom him myself. His hair is much too long for summertime and this heat!! Plus, he's getting the itchees again! Dad went to work.

I'm trying not to focus on the negatives. But Mom's feet are swelling. I called her MD and will take her tomorrow or Friday for blood work. Mom has not been keeping her feet elevated like before. That may have something to do with the swelling. Now, I'm encouraging her to keep her feet elevated while in her recliner and also added a pillow underneath! Will have to watch this!!

As for me, I'm tired as usual. I have been trying to find a way to get samples or discounted Seroquel and Seroquel XR. I'm in the medication gap and have to pay for all my prescriptions now. Seroquel is very expensive!! Lots of medications I take are very expensive. Part of me wants to stop all these meds and just say the heck with it! Then, another part of me who loves my family and friends says I owe it to them to stay as well as I can so I don't become a burden!

Sometimes, I just don't know anything!!

Peace and Hope.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A New Day!

Hi, I am trying to have a new perspective on my life. Let's see. I am 55 years old, widowed, have EOAD, live alone, take care of my Mom who has AD, and now I'm fat!

I guess I could be older than 55. Widowed, well, there's not much I can do about that (and as I've said before I think I have make poor choices when it comes to men so perhaps I'm better off alone).

I have EOAD/YOAD. Well, I'm still pretty high functioning so I guess that's a plus!

I live alone. That is a pro and a con. I do require a lot of calm, quiet time so perhaps if I lived with someone that would be a problem. huh?

I take care of my Mom with AD. Recently, we have increased the sitter a bit so maybe that will help.

I'm fat! Well, I HATE being fat but truthfully I'm not starving. Since most food doesn't taste that great, I still enjoy some sweets! I guess I need to get on the stick and start dieting and increasing my exercise. I just can't seem to stay motivated!

I guess there are a lot of people out there much worse off than me!!

I still have my family and a few friends!!! And, I have my Peer Volunteer work, I volunteer when I can at the AD Assn, and love my animals!!

Such is Life!


Sunday, July 12, 2009

A mixed Day (again).

Saturday was a crazy morning in taking care of Mom. But Saturday afternoon and evening was delightful!

Alexis and I spent the afternoon and evening together. She even spent the night! Yes! We had a great time. First, we talked and spent time together alone. Then, We went to have her charm put on her bracelet. Then Pizza and salad at Tower of Pizza (where you can watch them make and toss your pizza (delicious). Then, we came home to watch Harry Potter movies! We watched "Goblet of Fire". Then we made brownies. Then we watched "The Order of the Phoenix." Well, actually, we started the movie but I fell asleep on the sofa! Apparently, she tried to wake me but I went back to sleep and she had gone to bed! I woke up at 7:00am on the sofa! Ahhhhhh!

Got up, Alexis was sleeping. Did my morning ADLS and made coffee. Knew Dad was with Mom so no hurry today. Checked a couple of times but both Mom and Dad were still asleep. Later, Mom and Dad got up but apparently Mom had had a bad night with several accidents including wetting the bed! Dad looked exhausted so I took over.

Got Mom in her chair. Gave her coke and water and am meds. Successful, good! Had made brownies last night so offered Mom a brownie which she happily ate! Then, I stripped their bed to wash the sheets! Later, Mom had another accident. Got her cleaned up and she took a nap in her chair. (she refused to go to bed).

Dad had gone to a play with one of my cousins. I couldn't get a sitter for Mom.
One of the times I checked on Mom I found her face down on the floor!! Ahhhhhhh! I was shocked because I had just checked her about 10 minutes b4 that and she was fine. Luckily, I had Alexis to help me get Mom up off the floor! (Mom said she had gotten up to use the bsc, forget anyone was there and fell. She even forgot the emergency button that hangs around her neck!). Thank God, just wasn't hurt badly although she had hit her head and her ear on the left side. I iced the area !!

What a day! Some good, some bad! A very mixed day!

Well, It's 11:20pm and I am very tired.

Peace and Hope,

A Mixed day.

Friday, July 10, 2009

A Tough Friday!

Woke up around 7am. Did am ADLS. Let animals out then fed them. Checked on Mom and she and Dad were already up! Dad had gotten her coke and water. I gave her am meds.

Went next door to make myself some coffee as Dad was there with Mom. After a few sips of coffee, Mom was hungry. I made her some pancakes with syrup. She seemed to be enjoying them. Went next door to check on things. Barbara had gotten up and was with Mom.

A couple of minutes later, Barbara called stating Mom had had an accident. Shortly after cleaning Mom up, Julie woke up and notices that Mom's cat Jonesy had pooped by Mom's back door. Cleaned that up. Re-heated Mom's breakfast on;y to find that white dog had vomited on my carpet! Ahhhhhh! What a morning! I cleaned that up too!!

Later, Dad was at work and Mom was tired so I put her to bed. I had to wake her about 11:45am and get her cleaned up and ready to get her hair done. Dad was taking her to that! Good!

Tried again to get an appointment with the groomer for Winston but again NO LUCK! He was very itchy. ( He's part poodle and part bichon). So I had to bathed Winston with his special shampoo (boy, it kills my back to bathe him). He was still very itchy even after some benadryl. So I called the vet. He could see him @ 4:15pm.

Spoke with Aimee and Linda on the phone. Jamey too!

Apparently, one of the cats went upstairs and peed in the bed. Had to strip and clean the bed and wash sheets and blankets! Ahhhhh! Was doing laundry on both sides! What a day!!

Went on line to do some Peer Volunteer work with the AD Assn. Tried to keep Winston from biting himself to pieces. Vet time. The vet had an emergency so we had to wait. An hour later, Winston was seen! He got shots, pills and ear cleaning! Of course, it cost a fortune!! Poor Winston, he was a good boy! He got treats when we came home. Then, I went next door to check on Mom and Dad. I took out the left over chinese food from last night. Instructed Dad on how to heat it and went to lay down.

Ended up sleeping 2 1/2 hours on my sofa! Wow, I must have been pretty tired!

Woke up. Checked on Mom and Dad. Everything was OK. Fed my animals and took them out!
Then, I ate. Watched a little of Harry Potter on tv (I love Harry Potter). Then, went back on line to do some more Peer Volunteer work! Now, I'm blogging!

It's now 10:55pm. I'm tired but not sleepy! (Can't imagine why I'm not sleepy! lol). Today was a tough Friday! I just can't seem to keep up! Ahhhh, such is life!!

I hope I sleep tonight. Wish me luck!


Thursday, July 9, 2009

Another OK Thursday

Woke up around 7:30am. Did am ADLS. Checked on Mom and she was still sleeping. (good) I can make myself some coffee and wake up. Let white dog out and orange cat in. Then fed them breakfast. Julie woke up and went to shower. Checked on Mom again and she was still snoring! Good. That gives me a little more time to get myself together.

Aimee called to let me know she was pet sitting and that she was OK. It's always good to talk with my baby! (I know, she's 31 and not a baby. But, she'll always be MY baby).

Went to check on my Mom again. She wasn't in her bed. I looked around in the bathroom, no Mom. Went into her living room and there she is sitting in her recliner! "Mom, what are you doing up by yourself" and "why didn't you ring your bell?" Mom looks confused and said "I don't know. I got up and held on to the transport chair and walked myself here." "I forgot about the bell and I didn't know where you were." (Oh well, take some deep breaths, she's ok). Julie got Mom her coke and water and I gave her the morning pills. Shortly after that Barbara woke up. We visited, then Gloria came.

Julie and Barbara took off the run errands. I went home to bathe/shower and get ready for my EOAD support group meeting. Spoke with my sister, Linda. Called Alexis to see if she was coming today. No, she wants to come Saturday. OK, Saturday!! Then, started getting ready. It takes me a lot longer to get ready now-a-days. Putting on my make-up (which used to be almost rote) takes even longer now. (Sometimes, my hands shake. That's better since I take clonazepam but it's not completely gone). But, I decided I would try to look presentable for our meeting today.

The EOAD meeting was fun and we had a pretty good turn out. We celebrated Patrice's 48th Birthday with cake and singing. It was fun! But, it was, also, sad as Patrice is declining. She's soooo young and it's just sad!

Came home. Went on line to do some Peer Volunteering on the AD Message Boards. After about 15 mintues, I felt that my A/C wasn't working too well. Checked the thermostat only to find it was off! Everything was completely off! I tried to re-set it but to no avail. Then, I did the circuit breakers. Nothing!! Ahhhh! It's 98 degrees outside. I've got to have A/C!!! Called the A/C man, Ed Willis. He came about 1 1/2 hours later. Luckily, the a/c was just clogged up! He flushed it all out and we changed the filter. (I had just changed the filter on June 16th and it was already dirty!) Ed said that it's normal when it's hot like this. The A/c hardly ever stops running. Thank God, it wasn't anything serious or too expensive. God Bless you, Ed for coming so quickly and taking care of the problem!

(It's about 10:55pm now and it's still 80 something degrees outside!!)

I have been noticing that I can't handle watching much TV anymore. And, the volume has to be low! No one seems to understand this! They, also, don't seem to understand my anger. I don't know what to say. I can't help my emotions!

Barbara and I fed Mom and Dad leftovers from Julie's wonderful dinner last night. Later we picked up some Chinese Food.

Julie and Barbara leave tomorrow to go back to Houston. I will miss them but I think I need some quiet! Some down time! Of course, I'm sure that in a few days I'll feel lonely again!! Oh well, such is life!!

Time to go to bed. Of course, I'm not sleepy yet!


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Wednesday night!

Hi, it's 11:05pm and I'm still awake! I took the Seroquel XL 50mg along with my regular Seroquel 25mg but I don't feel sleepy at all! This med tweaking can sometimes be aggravating! Everyone is sleeping but me! Ahhhh! I could really use some good sleep! Even white dog is sleeping! Orange cat is out and won't come in!

I've been thinking today about a few things. I've been very lonesome lately (prior to my company, I mean). Just kinda taking care of Mom and living day to day. Yet, All this company is kinda driving me batty!! I know I shouldn't complain. I'm luckier than most people. But, it's either feast or famine with the company.

Julie was wonderful tonight. She and Barbara went to the grocery and Julie cooked a good dinner for all of us! It was great!

Unfortunately, I still feel that slow burn of anger inside me. It feels like a demon! It feels like it can emerge anytime it wants to and I don't have any control. It's pretty scary! I hope and pray that this change in my Seroquel will help that!

I've had enough of all this Michael Jackson stuff. He was a terrific singer/song writer/choreographer and performer!! He did change music! But, enough is enough!

Mom had a good check-up at her endocrinologist today. Her labs were good (thyroid). He doesn't have to see her again for 6 months! Yea!!! Now, If we can just keep her from falling!!!

Aimee and Eric are coming Next Thursday. I can't wait!! I'm so excited!! I'm counting the days til I see my daughter again! I miss her face!!!

Well, it's getting late. Even though I'm not sleepy I'm going to attempt to get some sleep. I have an EOAD support group tomorrow at Noon. I'm looking forward to it!

Sleep tight All!



Wow, the last few days have been like a blur!! I've had lots of company and lots of things going on!
Keith came Sunday to help me work on the apartment. Jamey came in on Monday to go to her doctors. She stayed a couple of days to visit. It was fun but tiring. My good friend Julie came in Tues. am with her sister Barbara! It's been kinda wild here!! Staying up late and trying to get up early. Whew, I'm beat!

Mom's been OK. No falls lately (Thank god). Got her up this am. Did am ADLS. Wheeled her to her recliner. Am meds were given successfully! Yes! Coke, Water. later breakfast. Accidents, clean up, change pj's. Lunch. Then, getting her ready for her doctor's appt. (Luckily, Dad was taking her). Then, Jamey left to go back home. Julie & Barbara came back to visit. Finally, everyone was gone for a few minutes so I called Aimee to check-in with her. She's been having back problems and a flare up with her IBS!! Poor, baby. Went to take a bath/shower. Oh, I spoke with Linda earlier to see how she and Michael were coming alone with their house. Everything is moving along nicely according to Linda. Good!!!

Me, I don't know. I'm tired and somewhat confused. Still having that low grade burning anger. I am planning to start Seroquel XL tonight to see if that helps without making me sleepy during the daytime. Wish me luck!!

Gotta Run. Mom's ringing her bell!!

Peace and Hope,

Sunday, July 5, 2009

It's Sunday already!

Wow, the holiday weekend flew by. Woke up this morning around 7:30am only to find both Mom and Dad awake. "Is anything wrong", I asked? "No," we just both woke up and were ready to get up! Mom had a good night! No falls no accidents! Great! She seemed a little perkier today! Made my coffee, let my animals out and fed them. Then, went to visit Mom. She was making pretty good sense today. She was sad we missed the party yesterday but she put it behind her. We chit-chatted about her cat Jonesy (what a witch) and my white dog. The animals seem to amuse her. Simon was still sleeping in my window. He was tired from all the fireworks yesterday and last night! (I don't let him out when that stuff is going on).

Went home later. Called my sister and daughter to say hello. Watched Wimbleton tennis on TV. Fedderer was great but I was pulling for Andy! I was sorry Andy lost. It was a great match! (Dad had come in and watched with me a while).

Called Alexis at Noon but she was still sleeping. She said she'd call back. (She's my ex's daughter that I LOVE so much. She's like my own). Decided to go exercise in the pool! It wasn't too bad. My back has been killing me but I was stretching it in the water! Trying to workout the kinks! Alexis called and said she was coming then later called and cancelled. I was so disappointed. I haven't seen her in several weeks. She had stuff to do with her sister today but she said she'd come tomorrow. (I hope she does but I won't hold my breath. After all, she's 13 now! but I can still remember her when she was 4).

After exercising and swimming I bathed/showered and went on line to do some Peer Volunteer Work. Ya know me, I love those message boards! I love to help people!
Will pick up Keith later to re-start work on the upstairs apartment!!
Had a quiet day today! Yes! It was good!

Peace and Hope to All.


Saturday, July 4, 2009

Independence Day 2009!

Well, was awakened today by my cell phone ringing and ringing @ 5:45am. At first, I thought it must be a wrong number. Then, after about 3 calls in a row, I decided to answer it! Yep, wrong number!! Ahhhh! Don't people listen to the voice mail??? I guess not.

Got up did am ADLS and made some cafe au lait. Checked and Mom and Dad were still sleeping (thank goodness). Let out Winston and let in Simon who had stayed out all night! Gave them some dry good then sat on the sofa to vegetate and wake up. After my second cup of java and Mom and Dad were still sleeping, I decided to try to go back to sleep (which I did for about an hour). Yes!

Aimee called to wish me a Happy 4th! It was good to speak with her. We're both lonesome for each other. She and Eric are working on their house (de-wall papering and re-painting Eric's office). Later, I called Linda and Michael to wish them a happy 4th. Jamey, also, called. Eveything was quiet there! good!

Later, Dad got up and was eating breakfast. He told me Mom had a bad night and several accidents including in the bed. (He had covered things with a towel so she could go back to sleep). Went to check on Mom. She was awake and ready to get up. Changed her then helped with AM ADLS then wheeled her to her recliner. Got her coke, water and AM meds. All good! Mom appeared weak and depressed. Went back into their bedroom to strip the bed and wash the sheets! Luckily, I was able to help MOM to the bsc next to her chair. (we made it in time!) yes! Later, I heated her breakfast and in the middle of her eating it, she had another bm accident. Well, such is life! Got her cleaned up again, hands washed, and she went back to eating breakfast! She and I talked a bit and she said she could NOT make the trip across the lake today. She was having too many accidents and would be embarressed. (can't spell today).

We cancelled the trip. I think Mom and Dad were disappointed.Mom more than Dad. I felt badly for Mom but there wasn't much I could do about it. Did the laundry. Re-made their bed. Then, Dad came home with the finger sandwiches we had ordered to bring with us to the party. We had some serious eating to do! lol. Hopefully, I can freeze some of them. Dad was home with Mom so I went home.

Went on line to do some Peer Volunteer work. The boards were slow today. I guess because of the holiday. Ate some finger sandwiches. Watched some of the "Twilight Zone" marathon on the SciFi channel and feel asleep. Slept on and off. Winston and Simon slept too. (That was nice).

Woke up. Checked on Mom and Dad. All was well. Fed my animals then ate a salad myself. Now Craving something good and sweet!! lol. (That's really all that tastes good these days!).

Hope everyone had a good and safe holiday or should I say Holiday weekend!

Aimee & Eric are coming on the 16th. I can't wait! Jamey is supposed to some in on Monday. And Julie and Barbara will come in from Texas on Tuesday. Things could get pretty crazy!!!
Spoke with Dad briefly about increasing the sitter (if she's available). He didn't say NO so that's a good start. Will see what happens!! Pray for me!

Have a restful night!

Peace and Hope,



Friday, July 3, 2009

" A better Day"

Last night around 9:30pm Dad came over to get help. Mom had fallen again and was on the floor in the bathroom (luckily it's carpeted) and he couldn't get her up. Thank God she wasn't hurt (it's a miracle). After several tries, I finally got her up and in bed! (She was weak as a kitten.) Of course, my back was broken!

Woke up this am only to find out from Dad that Mom had another fall around 4:00am but that he didn't want to wake me and it took him about 20 minutes to get her back into bed! He really makes me mad when he doesn't call me for help in the middle of the night!!! AAAhhh! That's why I'm here! That's why I live next door to help with emergent things!! I can't get that through Dad's thick head! He bothers me for stupid things and not for things like that !! I could just SCREAM!!!!!!

Anyway, got Mom up and onto her throne. Got her coke, water and meds! Good, all the meds went down ok. She seemed tired and down today (perhaps from the falls?). Made my coffee and Dad came in from walking in the mall. He had gone to C's discount pharmacy to pick-up a few things and had forgotten Mom's prescriptions! So, he went back to get them. Later, I fed Mom breakfast (a McD's breakfast burrito). She ate it all! It's about the only thing she really enjoys now. I buy a few at a time and heat them up. I used to cook but she prefers them! OK that great, I just have to remember to keep a supply handy. Dad came back and I was able to go take a quick bath/shower.

Later, when I was helping Mom get dressed and ready to go get her hair washed and blow dried, Dad came home and took over. I was glad because I had made plans to have lunch with my friend Kendall today. This would give me a little time to get ready!

Kendall and I had a great time at lunch. She and I have been friends since high school. We laughed and talked. It was fun!! (I hadn't seen her in awhile.)
After lunch, I ran a couple of errands and came home. (WOW, was it HOT! I could barely breathe!) My car never cooled off! I was sweating like a pig! It was gross!! Ick! Double ICk!!

Came home. Checked on Mom and Dad. They were ok. Decided to go on line to find out about Hoyer Lifts. I think that's what I'm going to have to get to help Dad and I get Mom off the floor when she falls! I know what you all are thinking..... "Fall Prevention". I have tried and tried and it's just impossible! Like last night, she fell off the toilet.. one minute she was fine then just got weak and slid off! She was on the floor before Dad could stop her!

Did some Peer Volunteer work on the AD Message Boards. All of a sudden got so tired I had to lay on the sofa and then I feel asleep! Luckily, Dad had bought them dinner at the grocery ..Fired catfish, mac n cheese, spinach. Dad heated their dinner while I slept. Sometimes, I feel guilty about everything Dad has to do when I don't do it. But, today I was tired. I didn't feel too guilty! Some but not too bad! lol .

Checked on them when I woke up. Everything was ok (thank god). Fixed and ate dinner myself. Fed my animals. Later, took Winston for a walk! (still hot as hades). Did more Peer Volunteer stuff. Talked with my cousin Jamey and my friend Donna on the phone. Today was definitely "A better Day."
Now, I'm writing this blog!! I'm tired again so I'll say good night. (Mom and Dad just went to bed!)

Hope you all have a great 4th of July tomorrow. Wish us luck. I am taking Mom and Dad across the lake to be with family/friends. Mom's been looking forward to going. Please, keep your fingers and toes crossed! I pray I can handle all this well. I hope I wake up tomorrow and am able to drive safely!! Mom and Dad are counting on me. Plus, I would love to see all the Roubions!! It should be fun!

Pleasant Dreams.


Thursday, July 2, 2009

"Melt Down"

I didn't sleep well last night. Couldn't fall asleep. I think it was after 2 am! I woke up this morning very out of sorts! Confused, off balance, I don't know what to call it...........decline???
Woke up. Let Winston out and he took off after another huge dog across the street. I had to go outside in my nightgown to grab him as he ran into the street (luckily no cars , Thank god!).. Got him in then went to check on Mom. She was laying kinda sideways in the bed ringing her bell!! "Where were you," she asked? "I've been ringing this bell for about 5 minutes!" I said I was sorry I hadn't heard it as I was outside chasing Winston. Shortly after that Gloria arrived. Yes! I wasn't up to taking care of Mom today. Something's not right! Something's off! Kinda feel like I'm drunk/drugged?! Gloria helped Mom so I went home!

I wish I could describe the feelings and sensations I had today but it's very difficult to put into words!!! I felt like I had consumed a couple of beers and had a buzz. Not a good buzz, but a lethargic, confused buzz! (I don't remember ever feeling this way before). I felt alone, afraid, in fact kinda terrified!! "Oh my God, this is what decline feels like!!" At least I think so?!

Spoke with Linda on the phone. Just told her I was having a "bad day." Decided not to go run errands as my spatial perception seemed off. Just kinda hung out with white dog and orange cat. Then, Winston starts vomiting out of the blue! Oh no, Winston! What's that about! Cleaned things up and gave Winston a pepto for his belly! Then, Simon came to be lovey, dovey, purring, rubbing and talking to me!! How nice!

Went to take my bath/shower and shave. Had a hard time with the shaving but finally finished and was successful. I felt a little better! Fresher! Then, all of a sudden I started feeling weird again. I called to talk with my BIL but he was busy working. I didn't want to upset my sister. I finally called Elena with the AD Assn. She's so great. She stopped and talked with me and suggested I go see my PCP (Lenny). I thought, no, I'll wait. But as the day went on I felt weirder and weirder then the anxiety started! Oh no, not that too!! I thought about taking some meds but I thought it might make things worse.

Finally called my neurologist's office and tried to get and appointment but to no avail. Finally called Lenny. He's always my ace in the hole! Lenny's been my doctor for about 25-30 years. He probably knows me better than anyone! Unfortunately, he's specialty is Internal Medicine Not neurology! But, he said yes to come see him about 3:40pm for a talk.

Decided I needed to dive myself to Lenny's. (Dad had taken Mom to a urology appt).
Kinda hairy getting to Lenny but I made it. Donna (His assistant) took my vitals and updated my meds. Then, I waited a few mintues and Lenny came in. I burst into tears!!! "Lenny, I'm scared, I'm declining!!!" More tears then anger! "What are you so angry about?" "That I can't handle all this!!" "It sucks, not being in control and not being able to handle what I used to handle!"

Lenny slowly talked with me about my disease and too much stress! "You don't understand, Lenny, there's no one to help!" " Linda and Michael are doing the best they can to sell their house and move here." Lenny knew my sister Linda from before as she used to be his patient. "I want to talk with Linda about this," he said. "Sure," I said and called Linda's house on my cell phone. (I handed Lenny the phone). Ahhh, the answer phone picked up and he left her a message to call him. "You have to stop taking care of your Mom. It's just too much stress on you!" I cried some more. I felt guilty for not being able to cope! I've always been the strong one in the family! I've made in through a lot of tough times (with help, of course). Now, I'm a failure!! A complete failure!!!!! When my Mom and Dad need me most, I just can't handle it!! I'm so sorry Mom and Dad!!! I so wish things were different!!!

Well, I made it home. I went to check on Mom and Dad. Dad said the urologist said there wasn't anything else to do about Mom's incontinence. (I had told Dad that but I guess he just had to try. He's still in some denial about Mom and her AD).
I told them I was sorry that there was nothing else to do. They asked about my appt with Lenny and I told them I had a kinda "Melt Down!" They wanted to help or talk (especially Dad) but I just didn't know what to say!! I'm sad and mad all at the same time!!! So, I just went home to be alone with my failure!

So, here I am posting all this so that perhaps it will help someone else. I don't have any answers. I wish I did. I guess I'll just have to take each day as it comes and hope for the best!! I will continue my meds, my Ninendo and other brain things, walk Winston, and perhaps swim if I have the time. I'm really not sure what to do next!! I'm LOST!!

Wishing you all peace and hope.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

It's the 1st of July!

Woke up early yesterday and today. Have been having some not-so-nice dreams (especially about my ex). I kinda thought he was out of my head now but I guess not out of my dreams! ick!
Mom slept in today and Dad actually got her up and into the living room and into her recliner! Wow, it was a nice break for me. Dad seemed stressed this am and Mom seemed a little down. Sat and visited with Mom a while. Sometimes, it's difficult having to repeat things over and over! (Oh, that's right. Mom and I both have AD. It makes life interesting!!) Gave her meds and breakfast. She did OK!

I think I'm a little down myself today. Perhaps I'm tired from working with Keith this weekend on the apartment?? Or is it that I haven't been sleeping as well with all those DREAMS???? Or is it that my life kinda sucks sometimes and I just get tired of it?? Or, is it a combination of all these factors???? I vote for a combination of things, I think.

My sister called me today and got me excited about her coming to visit for 2 weeks at the end of August because the fares were down!! But, she waited and didn't book a fare right away and all the discounted flights were sold out! Oh, well. Such is life. Bummer!! I am excited because my daughter and her hubby and my granddog are coming to visit for 4 days in July! I can't wait!!!!

White dog and Orange cat are both here with me sleeping on the sofas! They make me very happy!! They are good boys! I can't figure out where my head is at today. Earlier, I e-mailed my Senators to vote for the Full funding of the LifeSpan Respite Care Act (PL 109-442). It was voted into law in 2006 but has not been Fully Funded yet. We need them to Fully Fund this Bill! If you are interested in helping, please contact YOUR local Senators! Thanks.

As for me, I'm just hanging with Mom and doing some laundry. It's very hot outside! Most of my friends are working. I did speak with my cousin Jamey. Things are not going well with her family. It makes me so sad. I love those kids so much!

Well, as for me I'm just hanging out and taking care of Mom. Aimee called and she's got some sort of stomach bug! Poor thing! I'm sitting here wishing and dreaming that my life was different, but it's not!!! As my sister says, "It is what it is." (But, I don't have to like it!!!!)

Did some Peer Volunteer work on the message boards (I always enjoy that). Ooops, I forgot to take something out for dinner. Gotta run now and be creative in the kitchen! Gotta feed Mom and Dad!!


"Sometimes, dead is better."