Days of disappointments

Hi to All.
Yesterday, Saturday, I was very excited and waited to see Alexis. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks and I was lonesome for her. After almost a full day of waiting, she called and canceled. She said she had a bad stye on her eye lid that was painful. I have to say I don't think she was telling me the truth. I think she was either tired or got a better offer from her family or friends. Ah, well, such is the life of a 13 year old girl!! It just makes me sad. I do miss her very much. I talk to her a lot but I feel she's slipping away from me. (maybe it's for the best but it makes my heart so full and heavy and sad). My eyes fill with tears and my heart sinks at the thought of loosing her. She's like the 2nd daughter I had always wished for. My husband, Tommy, died after Aimee was born but before we could have another child. Deep in my heart I had always wished for 2 girls. Like my sister and me. It was great having a sister growing up! I had hoped Aimee wouldn't grow up alone. Well, Marty (my step son) was around but he was so much older than Aimee. What's that old saying? "You can't cry over spilled milk!" I just can't help my tears.

I,also, think it is because I am missing Aimee so much! She lives so far away and I don't get to see her that often. Perhaps Alexis has been a kind of substitute for Aimee??

Ok, I can only cry so much. Then today, Keith called this AM and said he had to work but that he would come this evening to help me work on the apartment. Well, when he got off this afternoon, he canceled too!! He chose alcohol over me, his friend! Golly, is it me?? I wonder. These days I wonder a lot!

My SIL Terry met me at the library today. We looked up "the Exceptions" that my ex filed to counter the lawsuit I filed against him. Seems like Terry found a way for me to show "Cause of Action" (I think that's what she told me). So, tomorrow, I will go to the courthouse to file an amendment to my law suit. Wish me luck!

Mom and Dad are doing OK. I cooked some pork ribs last night for dinner. I had cooked them for Alexis (she loves ribs) but there was plenty for Mom and Dad. They seemed to enjoy them. Also, did some mac & cheese and a salad. And brownies, I made brownies because Alexis LOVES brownies! Guess I'll just have to eat them myself! lol. (Guess I'll just get fatter and fatter!) YUK!


Mom seems to be getting weaker. She is having less urinary accidents lately but is weaker and I'm not sure why. I've studied her meds and they seem OK. I think it has to do with the fact that Mom doesn't do anything!! We get her up in the morning. She does am ADLS with assistance. We wheel her to her recliner and there she stays until she goes to bed!! Rarely does she walk anywhere in the house. She really doesn't do anything! Oh, she watches tv or reads a magazine but physically she does NOTHING!!! She does go to get her hair done once a week ( I mean Dad or I take her, mostly Dad). And, if she has a doctor's appointment or tests, we take her there too. But, that's it! She won't go anywhere else! She sits/reclines in that chair day after day, hour by hour! It's very sad to watch! I gave up trying to get her to walk or exercise of anything like that. It made her mad at me and she called me Hitler and stuff like that.

Well, that what's happening. Some pretty depressing stuff? huh? Yeah, sometimes my life is pretty depressing.

I did speak with Linda and Aimee today so that was good.

Well, hell, I'm tired as usual. I did take my PM meds so did Winston! So, me, white dog and orange cat will say goodnight.

Oh, I ordered a book from the library called "Alzheimer's from the Inside Out" by Richard Taylor and I picked it up today. Richard has EOAD like me. I don't know if I'll be able to read it or not. I really have lots of problems reading books. Lately, I've been unsuccessful. But, this book didn't come on tape or CD and I heard it was really good. So, I will attempt to start reading this book tomorrow when I am fresh. Keep your fingers crossed! I really want to read this book! I hope I don't crash and burn!

Peace, Hope and good sleep,

LCC