When did everything become so hard?

I keep asking myself this question: When did life become so hard? When did doing the simplest task become so difficult? From getting up in the morning to going to bed at night, EVERYTHING is hard. Nothing is simple anymore. When did this happen and Why?

In life, there are no simple answers. Is that a true statement?


Surely love is simple, but is it? When I think of all the people I have loved and still do love the answer is NO. Love is not simple. It's a very complicated emotion. And then of course there are different kinds of love. Unfortunately, all the types of love don't come to mind right now. (Where is my memory when I need it?) oh that's right, it's in dementia land!

I think loving a child is the simplest, easiest type of love, at least for a Mom. It's normal, natural and without limits. Yes, loving your child is an easy love!
But, what about some other kinds of love. Like loving your parents? Yes, I love my parents but I don't always like them. Is that so awful to say? My Mom has AD and there are times when I don't like her or her behavior at all. God, I'm a terrible person!

Oh, I've gotten off the subject. Life is difficult for me most if not all of the time. Trying to cook, run an errand, take care of Mom, make a phone call. It took me six phones calls to get Mom's doctor to call in a prescription and for the pharmacy to fill and have that prescription ready! Then, when I arrived to pick it up, no on knew anything about it! Ahhhhhh!

Perhaps it's because I have such trouble remembering how to do things that they have become so difficult? No, because there are still many things I remember. Perhaps it's that my processing speed has slowed down to a snail's pace? Or that I have a very short attention span? Whatever it is it is driving me crazy!! Oh, too late! lol

Everyone always seems to be in such a hurry. The faster the better. Perhaps I was that way too? But now, life is whizzing by and I can't keep up. It's very frustrating and annoying! Maybe that's why I'm angry a lot??

I am angry a lot of the time. I don't realize it as much as others do. It's kinda like a slow simmer, ready to boil or pop at any moment. The medications help some but not always. I blew up at Mom yesterday because she was mean and ugly to me again. I KNOW I shouldn't to that but sometimes I just can't help it!!

Having Early/Young Onset Alzheimer's disease really sucks! Sometimes, dead is better.

Pleasant Dreams!